How to tell my future mother in law No thanks?

[darik2]

My fiance's brother is getting married and I feel like my fiance's mother is making me feel obligated to participate in their wedding. Ms. D called me the other day to talk about her plans for her son's wedding, she was telling me the bride had only $200 dollars saved up for a wedding that is suppose to take place next week. She also explained to me that they didn't have a venue for the reception or money to pay for one. I listened and pitched her some ideas for raising money like having a garage sale etc. She has been telling the bride and groom that I am helping with the wedding. I already explained to her that I was only giving ideas but she still pushes the "coming up with the money" talks. I talked to my fiance about me being uncomfortable with this situation, so when ever his mom brings up the weeding topic he redirects the conversation. I really feel like shes trying to use me financially!


As far as me and the bride, we are not friends. On numerous occasions my fiance would call me upset because she was talking about me. Saying things like our relationship is not going to last or I don't like her, which i feel is absurd because she doesn't know me. From the moment I met her all I get is rolling of the eyes and very immature, unladylike things even until this day. I still show her respect even though i feel strongly she doesn't deserve it. So I'm really not trying to get involved.


Not only did I find out Ms. D is paying for flowers, dresses, making the food and more. I also over heard her talking on the phone saying that shes saving her money for the honeymoon and she doesn't want all these people at her wedding. My fiance has a big family 6 sisters and 7 brothers and my fiance along with his other siblings has not received an invite. I don't plan to show up. Ms. D herself is inviting the entire family to their wedding. How do I explain to my future mother in law that I am uncomfortable being involved or participating in attendance for this ceremony?

[garret]

If your future mother-in-law is pushing for you to help out financially, just (politely) tell her "no". No other way to do it really.

Regarding participating (or even attending) their wedding, just ignore your future mother-in-law, it's not her place to ask anyway. If she pushes, just tell her you'll make the decision once you've been asked by your fiance's brother or his bride. If you never get asked by your fiance's brother or his bride - the problem took care of itself.

If you do get directly invited by them (either as a participant, or just as an attendee), make the decision that feels right - but keep your future mother-in-law out of it! Personally, if they were to ask me directly, I'd probably do it (even if I didn't really like them) out of respect for your fiancee and to keep the peace, assuming the time and/or financial commitment wasn't too large. But if they don't ask......certainly don't invite yourself!

I don't envy the drama. Good luck!

[yago]

First of all either bride and groom pay for the wedding or tradition the brides family groom pays for tux and rehersal dinner ,I think limos what she can do is have her family pay for their side for dinner and the grooms parents for their side dinner .This is what we did for my sons wedding we paid about 5 thousand for the dinners for our sid e.My daughter in laws parents came to our house like my husband said I bet they want money for something .He was right we had a few friends and the rest immediate family .everything got screwed up they were to have a cocktail hr first for the wedding party did,nt have it we sat on a floor in the brides room every one ate all the food heordurves up we got none and everything was backed up her parents complained and they recouped some money although we did,nt get any this is how they worked.We were suposed to have a limo did,nt have one everyone was gone but one couple who gave us a ride to the reception I was mortified, which was like 4 hours later not one person came up to us in the recieciving line . to congradulate us .And the bride was the bride from hell she created so many family problems with my daughter and her friends and other family members over the years They are divorced now good riddens to bad rubbish thank you sweet jesus!