My mother in law wants to wear WHITE to my wedding?

by **darrell** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:41 pm

I think, in this situation, I would smile, let her wear the white dress, and know that you're being the bigger person.

Yes, it's disrespectful of her. But that's on her. People will look, and KNOW that she's being disrespectful. If you are as gracious and charming as possible, that will reflect far more positively on you than on her.

As for the rings, you've already got them. She can't tell you that you can't have an engagement band, or that you can't wear it. If she tries--especially in front of company--you smile and say, "We picked it out together to celebrate our decision, and I'm proud to wear it to show what a wonderful man you raised."

by **muata2** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:42 pm

Plan a ceremony for just the couple, the attendants and the bride's family. DO NOT TELL HER. On the date she thinks is the wedding you wear any other color. Just have the party. Ignore her. If she asks tell her you were married some time ago and this is just the party. You did that so she could not spoil it for you and wear her white.

by **breasal** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:42 pm

I think, in this situation, I would smile, let her wear the white dress, and know that you're being the bigger person.

Yes, it's disrespectful of her. But that's on her. People will look, and KNOW that she's being disrespectful. If you are as gracious and charming as possible, that will reflect far more positively on you than on her.

As for the rings, you've already got them. She can't tell you that you can't have an engagement band, or that you can't wear it. If she tries--especially in front of company--you smile and say, "We picked it out together to celebrate our decision, and I'm proud to wear it to show what a wonderful man you raised."

by **anson34** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:48 pm

Tell your mother in law no way she can wear white to the wedding

Tell her she can wear the dress to the rehearsal dinner
The bride does not have to wear white, she can get away with it, if she needs to wear the dress
She will need a dress for the rehearsal

If your mother is wearing a formal gown, she needs one, not a dress

by **caspar99** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:56 pm

I'm not sure if she's actively jealous, or just a silly, self-centred old woman. Either way you need to talk to her about this because it's ridiculous for her to be stressing you about any part of your relationship with her son. Speaking of her son, you may need to enlist his help with this, just make it clear to him that you want to keep to the traditional etiquette and that means only you wear white. He may not like being part of this argument, he may not even understand why it's happening, but he needs to back you up on things you think are important, no matter what those things are. If it's you two together versus her then she's much more likely to give in than if it's just you and her, or worse you versus her and him.

It's also worth giving her some suggestions (like emailing her a link to 'mother of the groom' outfits, or giving her (and your mum of course) accessories in the wedding colours, so they fit with the theme and she can't stand around pretending to be a bride. Also I went to a wedding recently where the MOB wore a white cocktail dress, and all the guests made fun of her for it, even though the bride had okayed it, because it looked like she was trying to compete with her daughter.

Finally, it's very common now for a man to propose/ a couple to decide to marry and to buy the ring later together, I know a man who went as far as buying a little silver ring purely for the proposal, she then picked a 'real' engagement ring and now wears the original on her right hand. Your MIL is just being old fashioned and her views are embarrassingly outdated, and you might need to let her know that if she comments on it again.

by **chay** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 4:01 pm

Time to get to the bare truth with future MIL. Buy a magazine or book on wedding etiquette at the sections devoted to proper attire for attendees stick in a post it note. Write on the note, "hope this helps you in your decision re: proper attire for MY wedding."

About the engagement ring, divert the discussion to the size of the stone, "maybe it isn't big enough?" Compare it to her engagement ring in size, clarity and value, simply, change the issue.

She sounds like a very self centered person and future trouble. Do not cater to her for a minute. The problems she has about "her" dress and the ring are her problems, not your. You can also just say, "I am sure in the end you will do the right thing as described by Emily Post."

by **shaddoc98** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 4:02 pm

Time to get to the bare truth with future MIL. Buy a magazine or book on wedding etiquette at the sections devoted to proper attire for attendees stick in a post it note. Write on the note, "hope this helps you in your decision re: proper attire for MY wedding."

About the engagement ring, divert the discussion to the size of the stone, "maybe it isn't big enough?" Compare it to her engagement ring in size, clarity and value, simply, change the issue.

She sounds like a very self centered person and future trouble. Do not cater to her for a minute. The problems she has about "her" dress and the ring are her problems, not your. You can also just say, "I am sure in the end you will do the right thing as described by Emily Post."

by **jerard** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 4:04 pm

Tell her straight and plain up: "Look, it's my wedding, you can't wear white. You can where creme or ivory, or pale yellow or something. Not white." Or, let her wear white, but get her something like the color of your bridesmaid dresses. Example: if you going to have pink, get her a pink blazer for her to wear over her white dress, or a pink shawl or a pink cardigan.
Orrrrr, buy her a dress, calmly explaining you prefer she wears this one instead of her original, saying it makes your wedding flow and it looks so nice on her.
Compliment!

by **baigh75** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 4:15 pm

White is a really bizarre choice for the mother of the groom, particularly since you don't like it. Why don't you have your fiance speak to her? Sometimes its better for him to try to make peace with his family. She might be more receptive to her son as its sounds like she has issues with you.

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