My mother in law wants to wear WHITE to my wedding?

by **erwin** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:48 pm

well my "future" mother in law.

this is the story she told me:
she bought a white dress for her date with her husband on valentines day, but as she was leaving the store, saw a black dress she really loved and decided to get that for her date instead, and wear the white one to my wedding. when she was telling me this i think she could tell it was bothering me, so she tried to justify it by saying, "you know since the mother of the bride is supposed to wear white?" (well she is NOT the mother of the bride, and after looking online, it is the ultimate form of disrespect for ANYONE to wear white to the wedding, ESPECIALLY people in the wedding party who will participate in most pictures) so she even went on to "joke around" and laugh about how she and her husband are going to look like the ones getting married.....??? it has been bothering me for weeks now and i finally said something, just nice simple, and to the point, but have not heard anything back.......

we are having an informal ceremony, and just a big party for the reception, but regardless, i still feel like i want it to have the same etiquette as a big fancy wedding.

i feel like she is always competing with me, and this is just the cherry on top....

my fiance got engaged completely untraditionally, we were just talking and mutually decided we wanted to get married, he didnt have a ring or anything, so we just recently ordered our rings and we got myself an engagement ring AND wedding band, and my fiance a wedding band....in response to this, she also told me that "i cant get an engagement ring because he didnt propose to me with that ring"

i feel like maybe part of her is jealous of me??

i really dont know....i dont want to overreact, but am i? i would NEVER wear white to a wedding, unless i was a bridesmaid and that was the assigned color.....

if she doesnt respond, should i let it be, and just let her ruin my day if she decides to go on with the white dress, or should i push forward with my beliefs and make sure she does not wear that dress?

thanks in advance to anyone who helps me with all this confusion?!?!?!

by **talbot** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:53 pm

Copy, on paper, all the information you can find, from different sources, which state that wearing white to a wedding is crude, and mail it all to her.

If she still wears white, I would be tempted to ask a good friend to spill a glass of red wine down the front of her dress after "accidentally" bumping into her. Oh, that is terrible! But, wouldn't it be fun?

This woman has it in for you and she is jealous that her son loves another woman other than her. What she fails to realize is her son will always love her. She is a fool and has purposely bought this dress in an attempt to upstage you. I would have a good mind to wear pink if I were you.

by **gofraidh34** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:00 pm

Is your fiancé a mute? Tell him to tell his own mother that she is not going to wear white. It's disrespectful to the bride and I agree with u 100%. Your fiancé should be doing the dirty work since its his mother.

by **merla15** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:10 pm

If you are wearing white or off white she can't wear white, she will be stood next to you in the pictures and they will look awful.
And as far as I am concerned unless specifically instructed to wear white the only people allowed to wear white are the children. Flower girls etc.
If she refuses to swap her dress put someone between you and her in the photos.
She where's an appropriate dress or she loses her place in the photos.
I had a similar issue, my mother in law wanted to wear ceams and peaches next to my diamond white dress, I enlisted my sister in law to back up my husband and we got it sorted in the end but I had asked her to stick to the colour scheme before she went shopping.
Good luck

by **spengler** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:17 pm

She is obviously a bXXXX and is jealous and is getting to you and she knows it and likes it, some people have to be manipulative. Two choices, go along with her, tell her white would look so good on her, with her hair color, etc. that you would be honored for her to wear white (then spill wine on it-like that). She will look stupid and people will know her for what she is---as far as her opinion about the rings, she obviously is taking or trying to take control.
Second solution:
let her son talk to her, she is his Mother, can he deal with her. I think ignoring her will really get to her, I have a MIL and she can't stand it that I don't "take the bait" after many years of marriage. She keeps trying harder and harder to say things that will upset me, but I don't stoop down to her level. She gets so mad and red in the face she almost loses her false teeth and I am secretly thinking, you look like such a fool and seeing other people react to her, she is pitiful really, to have nothing better to do in life. She is very jealous, why, I don't know. Ignore her, remember "He Who Angers You, Controls You", so ignore her, and it will be the worst thing you can do to her. Get her either a black or red giant Catalaya orchid for her corsage and tell whoever pins them on to be sure she pins it on her dress, don't get a wrist one and have the others nice and elegant and hers looking like a big "floozy" which she is and go on and on about how much you love her and wanted her to have the best, you could say you got red because she originally got the dress for valentines. All is fair in love and war.

by **shen86** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:19 pm

No, stay quiet. I would die before I let her know it bothered me in the slightest! She may just be a bit dim.
The odds of anyone confusing her with the Bride are nil. You will be gorgeous, she won't.
There are greater odds she will be causing a lot of gossip about herself. Let her hang it all out there!
You can be sure several of her friends will take her to task later. she can't blame you!

by **yago** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:22 pm

She is going to be your MIL; and to keep peace it is best to just let it go. If she wants to stand out by wearing white; others will see it for what it is.

Focus on your fiance and your wedding and don't waste your emotions on her.

Congrats!

by **gervaso81** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:25 pm

She needs to grow up and let loose the apron strings as she resents you for taking away her baby. She is definitely jealous and is trying to spoil your day and she would look stupid besides if she wore white to your wedding. Everyone would think she was being just what she is, a nasty *****. If you can stop her from making a childish fool out of herself good but don't let the stupid woman ruin your day. If she wears white that day and you can't keep her out just remember that she is the one everyone is going to look down on. It will backfire big time on her.

by **montgomery69** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:31 pm

Try to deal with your future monster in law politely.
She wants to save money and is set on the white dress. Perhaps you could ask her to wear a jacked or shrug or something like that in a darker color over the dress .
If you are set on changing her mind , do it calmly , politely and to the point.
However, you may not be able to change her mind and in that case, just don't let it bother you.

by **matchitisiw** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:36 pm

Try to deal with your future monster in law politely.
She wants to save money and is set on the white dress. Perhaps you could ask her to wear a jacked or shrug or something like that in a darker color over the dress .
If you are set on changing her mind , do it calmly , politely and to the point.
However, you may not be able to change her mind and in that case, just don't let it bother you.

There are several shades of white and if you have not ordered your dress yet you could choose a brighter white. As silly as that sounds, it works,

If you have a a color theme, ask her to add baby ribbon roses in that color to her dress so that she feels as if she is a part of the day.

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