My sister's husband is in Special Forces?

[devdutta58]

Okay, so this I don't know if this belongs in relationships or Military. But I need to know how to deal with my sister. We're very close, and her husband and my fiance are both in the Army. In fact they met at Special Forces Selection. And that's how I met my fiance is through him. Well they both made it through selection, and as my fiance and I dated, he realized he didn't want the SF lifestyle for us. He wanted to be home with me more, and have a family life. So he quit the SF training. My sister's husband didn't quit. So my sister's husband is about to graduate from the special forces q course. And my fiance went back into the regular Army about a year ago, and is currently deployed to Afghanistan. My fiance is ranger and sapper qualified, and definitely could have made it through the q course if he wanted to. And even if he couldn't have made it through, I'd still love him. I love him, not his military career.

Anyway, both our significant others made their choices. I'm glad my fiance decided that he wanted to be with me, and I'm very proud of my brother in law. My sister, however, always talks about my fiance like he's some sort of loser for quitting special forces. She does it in a passive aggressive way, but after a year of it, it's really getting to me. I want to continue to be close to my sister, but I can't take her little comments about how much better her husband is than my fiance. Not to mention that her husband ended his friendship with my fiance because he dropped out of the q course. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

[tredway]

Okay, so this I don't know if this belongs in relationships or Military. But I need to know how to deal with my sister. We're very close, and her husband and my fiance are both in the Army. In fact they met at Special Forces Selection. And that's how I met my fiance is through him. Well they both made it through selection, and as my fiance and I dated, he realized he didn't want the SF lifestyle for us. He wanted to be home with me more, and have a family life. So he quit the SF training. My sister's husband didn't quit. So my sister's husband is about to graduate from the special forces q course. And my fiance went back into the regular Army about a year ago, and is currently deployed to Afghanistan. My fiance is ranger and sapper qualified, and definitely could have made it through the q course if he wanted to. And even if he couldn't have made it through, I'd still love him. I love him, not his military career.

Anyway, both our significant others made their choices. I'm glad my fiance decided that he wanted to be with me, and I'm very proud of my brother in law. My sister, however, always talks about my fiance like he's some sort of loser for quitting special forces. She does it in a passive aggressive way, but after a year of it, it's really getting to me. I want to continue to be close to my sister, but I can't take her little comments about how much better her husband is than my fiance. Not to mention that her husband ended his friendship with my fiance because he dropped out of the q course. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

Just tell her that he did it for us and drop it.

[otis]

This seems more like a relationship question, but here goes: Tell your sister to stop being a *****. Tell her that your fiance made his choice and ask her to respect it. As for her husband, he sounds like a dick and he won't do himself any favors by acting like that, especially in Special Forces where everyone depends on the man next to him to survive.

Ultimately, if your sister can't be respectful, you will have to decide how important it is that you have a relationship with her if she can't show some common courtesy with regards to your fiance.

[francisco]

This seems more like a relationship question, but here goes: Tell your sister to stop being a *****. Tell her that your fiance made his choice and ask her to respect it. As for her husband, he sounds like a dick and he won't do himself any favors by acting like that, especially in Special Forces where everyone depends on the man next to him to survive.

Ultimately, if your sister can't be respectful, you will have to decide how important it is that you have a relationship with her if she can't show some common courtesy with regards to your fiance.

i would say "well my 'loser' fiance decided he wanted to be able to spend more time at home with me. remember that on those cold winter nights when your husband is out there...somewhere....treading in 60 degree water for an hour...not knowing the next time he can call...whereas me? I'll make my man a hot dinner and then go b.a.n.g his brains out.

my fiance could have completed the training, but decided a career in the special forces just wasn't for him. for you to call him names, and your husband to sever a friendship over it really says a lot about YOU BOTH...and that's not saying much. i, as well as my fiance, commend your husband for having the perseverance to stick with it and make it. it is tough training and we're proud for him. but it's not for everyone"

then keep your sister at arm's length. she may need you when she realizes her husband is gone for long periods of time, in harm's way, and needs a shoulder to cry on. realize she may also envy you, but that will be HER CHOICE and HER PROBLEM! if she isn't big enough of a person to let this go and wants to hold this 'grudge'...be the bigger person! what did she expect? that the 4 of you would always be together and your husband's would be in the same unit? why do i think once there would have been separate assignments, thee would have been "we got a better assignment than you did!" calls? i have 3 sisters, i have seen how they act.

consider yourself fortunate. it is a tough job being the spouse of a special ops guy. how my wife did not prematurely age all those years i do not know.

good luck