Should I Or Shouldn't I? Would You Send A Gift To Sister In Law When You Did Not Show For The Wedding?

by **Yates** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:57 am

Okay I am on bad terms with brother. He invited us to wedding in October. Threatened mom in email saying if we did not come to her(future sister and daughter in law) shower, rehearsal and wedding not to bother coming at all. #1 on vacation when her shower was. My brother did not keep in contact I tried. So I backed away. # 2 dad got involved made me look like bad person. Too much to explain will at end of ?#3 Already have regretted it. But her birthday is the 30th of October. I want to send something to let her know I have nothing held against her. I do like her very much. She just happens to be caught in this ridiculous family feud. When you think about it is stupid. Should I send something small so my brother does not think less of me already? Dad got mad because I was supposed to be bridesmaid -backed out and tried to explain to dad, brother and sister in law. Nobody listened to me. Now her birthday is a week away and I want to do something nice to show I care. Yes or no?

by **Irven** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 7:20 am

... I say get her a present, your brother and father be damned!! Simply write a card that says you wish you could have been to the shower, etc. But were unable to and you regret it deeply.. Tell her you love her(or whatever you feel comfy saying) and say that you welcome her the family(whatever you want to say).... i think it should work out fine... I hope!! GOOD LUCK!! wildhorses99 67 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

by **Winton** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:56 pm

I say get her a present, your brother and father be damned!! Simply write a card that says you wish you could have been to the shower, etc. But were unable to and you regret it deeply.. Tell her you love her(or whatever you feel comfy saying) and say that you welcome her the family(whatever you want to say).... i think it should work out fine... I hope!! GOOD LUCK!!

by **Acair** » Sat Jun 14, 2014 9:52 pm

So things have gotten off to a really really bad start. Sounds like you want to have a good relationship with your brother and sister-in-law, so the sooner the better. I would send a gift, something modest but in accordance with the type of gift you give to siblings in your family) with a note saying you are sorry that things have been so rocky between you for a variety of reasons and that you would love to get back to normal with them with a fresh start. Chances are(if they have any maturity at all) they will welcome the chance to eliminate all the friction and clear the air. If they are the types that for some reason like to harbor a grudge and keep a feud going, well, then, you at least know you tried. I don't think you will ever regret sending a gift, regardless of the reaction, but you might later regret not trying to make amends. Not that I recommend ever lording this over them, but you will have taken the high road...hopefully they will respond in kind.

by **Danton** » Sun Jun 15, 2014 7:38 am

Spatzie~Lover said: 1 YES! First of all she's now family. Second of all it sounds as though you care about her. YOu have ONE year to send a wedding gift, but only days for that b-day gift. Order something now so it gets to her in time.Let the piddly-poo with your bro die down, then give him a call and apologize for your behalf of feud. 67 months ago

by **Hrocesburh** » Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:36 pm

I see her birthday is now over, but if a decision still needs to be made, then YES, send a gift. So things have gotten off to a really really bad start. Sounds like you want to have a good relationship with your brother and sister-in-law, so the sooner the better. I would send a gift, something modest but in accordance with the type of gift you give to siblings in your family) with a note saying you are sorry that things have been so rocky between you for a variety of reasons and that you would love to get back to normal with them with a fresh start. Chances are(if they have any maturity at all) they will welcome the chance to eliminate all the friction and clear the air. If they are the types that for some reason like to harbor a grudge and keep a feud going, well, then, you at least know you tried. I don't think you will ever regret sending a gift, regardless of the reaction, but you might later regret not trying to make amends. Not that I recommend ever lording this over them, but you will have taken the high road...hopefully they will respond in kind. Sources: personal opinion and experience with a rude sibling anniemdaffodils 67 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

by **Medwine** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:31 pm

WOLFMAN*RETURNS said: 3 Be the bigger person. She will respect you for it. I have a sister in law who has often been a real bitch in family matters. I purposely go up to her and give her a HUGE hug whenever I see her. I can feel her guilt and anxiety as I'm hugging her. Some people just need love to make them better and sometimes we need to set our pride aside. It works for me. 67 months ago

by **Finegan** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:18 pm

***caseycat*** said: 2 I agree with Spatzie; send a gift! However, if you think she is upset with you, maybe for not being in the wedding, you might also try talking with her, by phone or in a letter, that is separate from the birthday gift. Let her know that you like her, and value her friendship, and are waiting for the rest of the stuff to fizzle out, which it will eventually do. Nice that you are willing to keep trying, too!Katherine 67 months ago

by **Xiomar** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:12 pm

YES! First of all she's now family. Second of all it sounds as though you care about her. YOu have ONE year to send a wedding gift, but only days for that b-day gift. Order something now so it gets to her in time.Let the piddly-poo with your bro die down, then give him a call and apologize for your behalf of feud.

by **Coltrane** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:37 am

I agree with Spatzie; send a gift! However, if you think she is upset with you, maybe for not being in the wedding, you might also try talking with her, by phone or in a letter, that is separate from the birthday gift. Let her know that you like her, and value her friendship, and are waiting for the rest of the stuff to fizzle out, which it will eventually do. Nice that you are willing to keep trying, too!Katherine

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