Should We Close My Alcoholic Mom-in-law Out-Of Our Lives Until She Gets Help?

[shashank]

My MIL has many issues...depression, alcoholism, bipolar disorder...when she gets frustrated she drinks for days proper until somebody intervenes and comes. She does not actually think difficult about driving drunk because she claims sheis getting cautious, when she runs out of booze she moves out and gets far more. She's experienced and from the clinic quite a few times...the authorities have knowledgeable to come speedily to her house to get her to the ER many instances considering that she gets suicidal. She's produced a number of half hearted attempts at destruction ahead of. All she does is drink and have a pity celebration for himself. We're just the only family members she foretells anymore, and I realize that my companion and my child mean the planet to her(I do not think sheis also keen on me any longer). Therefore if we inform her we do not want something connected to her till she gets aid, it might drive her to get assist, but I possibly could also see it going the option way and she in fact does destroy himself. What do you take into account we ought to do?? She can not hold attaining this!!!!

[Dar]

Your husband should be the one to make this call... I feel sorry for you and your family! If you force the idea of your MIL getting help, it will back fire and you will be the one that your husband rejects. She definately needs her family for support and love. I think you should sit your husband down, and explain that you do not want your daughter to see this behavior. Explain that you cannot protect her around this environment, as you never know what to expect.   I had a MIL that drank like a fish, until I made my husband speak to her about getting the proper help.  She has been on medication and is doing much better.  I have since divorced and most of our problems, came from the events that occured during her visits and interactions with our son. I would never leave my child with her.  You are probably the bad guy for making the right calls!  I was there once and I was indeed the bad guy! I see no reason that you should be the bad guy... Wendy! You are only looking out for your family and yourself and the welfare of your MIL.  Your daughter needs a stable environment.  Until your MIL gets help, I would refuse her to visit under the influence of alcohol.  I would be supervising her visits with my young child as well.  The thoughts of her trying to commit suicide is awful. She is lashing out and trying to grasp attention. I hope she gets the proper help!  There are support groups for different addictions, and emotional and mental states.  AA meetings will be her first step, if she is willing to accept that she is an alcoholic.  Then, she would have to get some kind of therapy.  I would also recommend counseling, therapy or meetings for families of alcoholics. (Al-Anon)   There are support groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA or ACA) for you and your husband. Good Luck... You, your family and MIL will be in my prayers. Sources: Nuttys a Wise Owl and my Peacemaker days!   ~Nutty~'s Recommendations Adult Children of Alcoholics Amazon List Price: $12.95 Used from: $1.13 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5(based on 40 reviews) Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families Amazon List Price: $11.95 Used from: $0.98 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5(based on 13 reviews) Mother-in-law in trunk Keychain Mother-in-law in trunk Sweatshirt   ~Nutty~'s Recommendations Wise Owl Door Knocker PeaceMaker: Play the News. Solve the Puzzle. Amazon List Price: $19.95 Average Customer Rating: 4.0 out of 5(based on 1 reviews) ~Nutty~ 79 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Mal]

From what I can see, you and your husband are between a 'rock and a hard place'.   If you cut your MIL off from her son and granddaughter(and yourself), it might push her over the edge and she might succeed with her next suicide attempt.  Then you all have to live with the guilt.   If you don't insist on her getting help, and she drives drunk and kill someone, maybe a child...Then you all have to live with the guilt.   She will probably hate you all for it, but the kindest thing you can do is meet with her doctor and tell him/her what you have outlined here.  If your husband has any siblings, a family meeting is in order.  Your MIL desperately needs help and, harsh as it may sound, by turning a blind eye to the things she's doing, you're enabling her to continue.   Hopefully, she has a primary care physician who can examine her and direct you to a psychologist or psychiatrist who can evaluate her and get her on depression medication and into a rehab facility.   It's going to take some 'tough love' on the part of your husband and/or his brothers and sisters.  Although you can be helpful and supportive, it should be their decision to get her to a doctor.   Please take action before someone does die.  God Bless...and good luck...

[avenel]

ITS SO EASY TO JUST WALK AWAY!....... BUT YOU NEED TO THINK OF THE WOMAN SHE IS WHEN SHE IS NOT DRUNK, SHE IS THE MOTHER OF YOUR HUSBAND AND THE GRANDMOTHER OF YOUR CHILD, SO YOU NEED TO GO TO HER WHEN SHE IS STRAIGHT AND TELL HER YOUR TRUE FEELING OF HOW YOU FELL AND THAT YOU ARE GIVING HER ONE LAST CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING TO GET HER LIFE STRAIGHT, SHE NEEDS TO BE ON SOME KIND OF ANTI DEPRESSENTS AND THEY DONT MIX WITH ALCOHOL. IF SHE WONT CHANGE THEN ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANY MORE AND I WOULD GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HER A POSSIBLE BECAUSE SHE COULD BRING HARM TO YOUR CHILD, I NO I WOULD NEVER LET MY MOTHER COME AREOUND MY CHILD IF SHE WERE DRUNK OR NEVER LET HER BABYSIT BECAUSE I COULD NOT TRUST HER. YOU HAVE TO LET HER NO HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILD, HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND WANT HER TO GET A GRIP ON HER LIFE, BE STRAIGHT FORWARD WITH HER AND TELL HER EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.   tinktink 79 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Chaschunka]

YOU NEED TO THINK OF THE WOMAN SHE IS WHEN SHE IS NOT DRUNK, SHE IS THE MOTHER OF YOUR HUSBAND AND THE GRANDMOTHER OF YOUR CHILD, SO YOU NEED TO GO TO HER WHEN SHE IS STRAIGHT AND TELL HER YOUR TRUE FEELING OF HOW YOU FELL AND THAT YOU ARE GIVING HER ONE LAST CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING TO GET HER LIFE STRAIGHT, SHE NEEDS TO BE ON SOME KIND OF ANTI DEPRESSENTS AND THEY DONT MIX WITH ALCOHOL. IF SHE WONT CHANGE THEN ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANY MORE AND I WOULD GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HER A POSSIBLE BECAUSE SHE COULD BRING HARM TO YOUR CHILD, I NO I WOULD NEVER LET MY MOTHER COME AREOUND MY CHILD IF SHE WERE DRUNK OR NEVER LET HER BABYSIT BECAUSE I COULD NOT TRUST HER. YOU HAVE TO LET HER NO HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILD, HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND WANT HER TO GET A GRIP ON HER LIFE, BE STRAIGHT FORWARD WITH HER AND TELL HER EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.  

[Bardrick]

If you force the idea of your MIL getting help, it will back fire and you will be the one that your husband rejects. She definately needs her family for support and love. I think you should sit your husband down, and explain that you do not want your daughter to see this behavior. Explain that you cannot protect her around this environment, as you never know what to expect.   I had a MIL that drank like a fish, until I made my husband speak to her about getting the proper help.  She has been on medication and is doing much better.  I have since divorced and most of our problems, came from the events that occured during her visits and interactions with our son. I would never leave my child with her.  You are probably the bad guy for making the right calls!  I was there once and I was indeed the bad guy! I see no reason that you should be the bad guy... Wendy! You are only looking out for your family and yourself and the welfare of your MIL.  Your daughter needs a stable environment.  Until your MIL gets help, I would refuse her to visit under the influence of alcohol.  I would be supervising her visits with my young child as well.  The thoughts of her trying to commit suicide is awful. She is lashing out and trying to grasp attention. I hope she gets the proper help!  There are support groups for different addictions, and emotional and mental states.  AA meetings will be her first step, if she is willing to accept that she is an alcoholic.  Then, she would have to get some kind of therapy.  I would also recommend counseling, therapy or meetings for families of alcoholics. (Al-Anon)   There are support groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA or ACA) for you and your husband. Good Luck... You, your family and MIL will be in my prayers.

[tupac]

Support and love the person, but not the behavior. Set limits, then consistently follow through with them. I think that only you know what your emotional limits are, and you are under no obligation to compromise them for an adult, especially if they affect your health or the health of your family.  I think, however, that you should think about the possibility of setting limits that are acceptable to you without shutting her out completely.  If you isolate her, she may feel hopeless and become despondent; you would then feel guilty, too, should she follow through with suicide.  The burden, however, will be to FOLLOW THROUGH with any limits you set so that she knows you mean it.  Make it HER choice: have a relationship with you and your family (while sober, at least in the moment) or drink and be alone.  You can say, "we love you and recognize that you have a terrible illness; we want you to be well.  We will support any steps you take in that direction and help you whenever possible.  Our first priority is our daughter, and we cannot tolerate alcoholism in her life, but we would love for her to have you in her life WHEN YOU ARE SOBER.  If you are drinking we do not want to talk to you or see you; we will tell you to:(insert a tag line, like: please call again when you haven't been drinking/are on medication. good-bye. Or please leave and come back when you're sober.) etc.*  When you are ready to get help, we will help you, but we will not support the choices you make to self-destruct."  Then you sit back, protect your family, FOLLOW THROUGH 100%, and let her make the choice to self-destruct or seek help.  It is incredibly difficult to do, but it is HER CHOICE.    MAke it clear that you view the person and the illness as seperate entities, and make sure that what behaviors you will accept/not accept is clear.   You can only put boundaries on the behaviors that directly affect YOU and your family, not what she does at home alone.    Best of wishes and support.   *(These limits could even include her negativity: we would love to have you come back when you are feeling more positive.  Please leave.) Carolina 79 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[weiford]

If your husband and daughter agree you should all tell her she is no longer welcome in your life unless she stops drinking at a minimum. Offer to help her go to an inpatient rehab if she will do it. Otherwise, block her phone number and keep her out of your life. This won?t work unless everyone in your family firmly agrees. She may attempt suicide to try to make you feel guilty. Hold fast. And check out Alanon for your family.

[Varney]

She can keep doing this until she's dead. If your husband and daughter agree you should all tell her she is no longer welcome in your life unless she stops drinking at a minimum. Offer to help her go to an inpatient rehab if she will do it. Otherwise, block her phone number and keep her out of your life. This won?t work unless everyone in your family firmly agrees. She may attempt suicide to try to make you feel guilty. Hold fast. And check out Alanon for your family. edfoug 79 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Atsu]

I think that only you know what your emotional limits are, and you are under no obligation to compromise them for an adult, especially if they affect your health or the health of your family.  I think, however, that you should think about the possibility of setting limits that are acceptable to you without shutting her out completely.  If you isolate her, she may feel hopeless and become despondent; you would then feel guilty, too, should she follow through with suicide.  The burden, however, will be to FOLLOW THROUGH with any limits you set so that she knows you mean it.  Make it HER choice: have a relationship with you and your family (while sober, at least in the moment) or drink and be alone.  You can say, "we love you and recognize that you have a terrible illness; we want you to be well.  We will support any steps you take in that direction and help you whenever possible.  Our first priority is our daughter, and we cannot tolerate alcoholism in her life, but we would love for her to have you in her life WHEN YOU ARE SOBER.  If you are drinking we do not want to talk to you or see you; we will tell you to:(insert a tag line, like: please call again when you haven't been drinking/are on medication. good-bye. Or please leave and come back when you're sober.) etc.*  When you are ready to get help, we will help you, but we will not support the choices you make to self-destruct."  Then you sit back, protect your family, FOLLOW THROUGH 100%, and let her make the choice to self-destruct or seek help.  It is incredibly difficult to do, but it is HER CHOICE.    MAke it clear that you view the person and the illness as seperate entities, and make sure that what behaviors you will accept/not accept is clear.   You can only put boundaries on the behaviors that directly affect YOU and your family, not what she does at home alone.    Best of wishes and support.   *(These limits could even include her negativity: we would love to have you come back when you are feeling more positive.  Please leave.)