Texting Another Woman

[Diggory]

I found out recently that my husband had been both texting and calling a very young girl. A few months ago,I found a text message on his cell phone and asked what it was about, he denied knowing who it was from.I confronted the person texting and she said she texted my husband by mistake,I let it go. I recently had possession of his cell phone while I was in his car and I saw that he had an unread text message. Just as I finished reading it, she called, I answered, she hung up. I tried to call her several times with no response. I confronted my husband and he admitted that he had been texting and calling her for two months. She is a senior in high school, my husband is 35. He has let me know their was nothing going on. He disconnected his cell phone and their has been no contact since. We have been through a lot in our relationship the past 5 years and this feel like another betrayal on his part. He is unable to be truthful with me, he has problems making good choices overall in his life, and I keep forgiving him. I wish I didn't love him so much. He says this behavior has stopped and will not hurt me again. He has even agreed to counseling to try and better himself and get on the right path. Should I believe him? How much is to much?

ANSWER: Hi Lynn,

Thank you for writing. I am disturbed that he was contacting a high school student. If she wasn't 18 and they had some kind of a fling, that could land him in jail. He is walking on thin ice with his bad decisions. You both need to get to counseling right away. He has behaviors that need to change and if they don't, then if it were me, I would give him his walking papers. He needs to prove to you in every way that his behavior has stopped. He needs to give you access to his cell phone at all times, e-mail, etc. His life needs to be an open book and he  must be willing to do this. The burden of proof is on his shoulders. Get into counseling right away so you both can work through these issues. You must be willing to truly forgive him and move forward as well. Get back in touch with me after you had been in counseling for awhile. I will be curious to see how you are doing.   Rev. Lemler

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

Thank you for your response. I agree, we both need to seek some marriage counseling however, I do have a question... During the time he was actually texting this person, we were in marriage counseling. It seemed like we were on the right path however when we do this together. Obviously not because it was sort of a farce because of his betrayal to me. My thought was to first have him attend some individual counseling, to get his issues worked out, and then proceed with some marriage counseling. He has been messed up now for 5 years now by making wrong choices, and I feel he needs to work on some sort of life plan in order to get better. Do you think this is a bad idea?

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Hi Lynn,

It sounds as if he has some real problems and you are right on target when you say that he needs individual counseling. And the counseling he receives should be Bible based, because the only power that can help to change him is God's. You won't get that kind of thorough help in secular counseling. Stay in touch.   Rev. Lemler