What should we do about this appeal for help?

by **oded** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:42 am

Wolverhampton Hurricane Appeal

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Wolverhampton in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Whitmore Reans. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "fukinelll".

The hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived.

Wolverhampton FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Wolverhampton .. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Ratners and Bone China from the Pound shop.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White stilettos
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
KFC
Ice cream
Cans of Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine
£5 buys fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**BREAKING NEWS**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop and were worried she had been badly cut...
"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked,
"Bilston" said the girl, wot's that gotta do wi yow?"

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Wolverhampton - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.

by **ezri** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:44 am

Lol..............NOT!

by **barclay76** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:59 am

A photographer arrived to take pictures of the devastation and found two girls in a distressed state - he was about about to take his picture when one of the girls noticed the other was still rather agitated and she said "Keep still he's going to focus" to which her respondent replied "What both on we?"

by **wilbart** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:06 am

Tough one to have to live through. Keep a stiff upper lip. Help is on the way. Where was this again? Did you have to live through the werewolf problem, also? You are very tough people. Good luck.

by **darik** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:13 am

It's ok...Me old mates UB40 are organising a pop festival...calling it Brum aid.

News flash....Bono said Fok yooos I'm tee busy carnting me monies...get Jasper carrot out of retirement if your that desperate...that is if he ain't too busy fixing his funky moped...innit.

Kipper tie anyone....o.0

by **jamilah38** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:21 am

yea

by **gofraidh34** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:28 am

nothing....couldn't give a monkeys....Wolverhampton?? are you kidding me?? i am in leafy Hertfordshire and no - i wouldn't help if that is what you are asking....let them get on with it!!

by **slaine** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:32 am

You're well wasted on here! THAT has to be the funniest thing I have read for yonks and the other half is still laughing!
I can send £10 if that helps to feed 90 people. LOL

by **calin** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:41 am

Just stick to one British melodrama at a time will you ?
Nobody has popped a balloon or lit a plastic cigarette at the olympics yet.

Remember the dreadlocks tent man living in the middle of the road in Wolverhampton ?
I do and I also like anywhere with trams but they sure speak weird in that place.

by **hampton83** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:57 am

Thanks for the bloody good laugh JB.
I'm still grinning.
Priceless !!

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