Why would my husband throw our marriage away?

by **golding** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:03 am

I am posting this once more, I got really great and helpful answers. Just a huge decision

Forgive me as I've been here a lot, our marriage is winding down and I feel I just need answers while I'm still in it because once its over I know I will have to let unfinished business go. That will be very hard.

My husband is willing to get divorced and lose me because he refuses to come home from work (has his other car at his parents and goes there every morning and night before and after work)
He puts his family first, in the sense that when they are wrong then I am wrong. I really do not get involved with them negatively but it's a case of the mother and sister not liking another girl, especially one that in a way takes from their time with their son/brother.

He is willing to say goodbye if I don't like that he isn't acting like a husband.
His mother and sister haven't even been here in 7 months, he has not had not even ONE friend of his over... And when I ask why he does not answer or tries to change the subject.

I worry about my future especially as he allows his mother and sister to stomp on me and he takes their side.

I also worry leaving this marriage is a mistake. I worry I should just take the beating- it might be a year from now when his mother and sister strike again at me. I know that when I am pregnant (we have no kids and I am not pregnant) that I will be shunned and ignored as always, it will be unpleasant.

I feel unsure and afraid to end things because I feel what needs I be done is so simple but he refuses.
He also refuses counseling and so I've gone alone.

He tells me still, in plain English, that he will never change and that if I don't like it then I can leave.
He threatens to leave and in the past he would in a heart beat. He hasn't lately and perhaps he's just tired but it makes me hold onto false hope.

He has been clear with me.

To tell me if I can deal with always being last and everything else then this can continue really makes things difficult. I love him... But it's his way or the highway.
I worry what challenges the future brings in that case.

It seems like a tremendous waste to get a divorce from the man I love, the man I've been with going on 13 years...

I'm sorry I am here a lot it's just that I am moving things out here and there and seeing a lawyer next week and it's a HUGE desicion.. I just have to express my worries and be able to know I'm making the right choice deep down.

by **oded** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:06 am

I am posting this once more, I got really great and helpful answers. Just a huge decision

Forgive me as I've been here a lot, our marriage is winding down and I feel I just need answers while I'm still in it because once its over I know I will have to let unfinished business go. That will be very hard.

My husband is willing to get divorced and lose me because he refuses to come home from work (has his other car at his parents and goes there every morning and night before and after work)
He puts his family first, in the sense that when they are wrong then I am wrong. I really do not get involved with them negatively but it's a case of the mother and sister not liking another girl, especially one that in a way takes from their time with their son/brother.

He is willing to say goodbye if I don't like that he isn't acting like a husband.
His mother and sister haven't even been here in 7 months, he has not had not even ONE friend of his over... And when I ask why he does not answer or tries to change the subject.

I worry about my future especially as he allows his mother and sister to stomp on me and he takes their side.

I also worry leaving this marriage is a mistake. I worry I should just take the beating- it might be a year from now when his mother and sister strike again at me. I know that when I am pregnant (we have no kids and I am not pregnant) that I will be shunned and ignored as always, it will be unpleasant.

I feel unsure and afraid to end things because I feel what needs I be done is so simple but he refuses.
He also refuses counseling and so I've gone alone.

He tells me still, in plain English, that he will never change and that if I don't like it then I can leave.
He threatens to leave and in the past he would in a heart beat. He hasn't lately and perhaps he's just tired but it makes me hold onto false hope.

He has been clear with me.

To tell me if I can deal with always being last and everything else then this can continue really makes things difficult. I love him... But it's his way or the highway.
I worry what challenges the future brings in that case.

It seems like a tremendous waste to get a divorce from the man I love, the man I've been with going on 13 years...

I'm sorry I am here a lot it's just that I am moving things out here and there and seeing a lawyer next week and it's a HUGE desicion.. I just have to express my worries and be able to know I'm making the right choice deep down.

Divorce and move on with your life.

What will you do? Probably just what you're doing now; majority of people are where they want to be.

by **juanito** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:10 am

Family does not come first. Its in the bible that once your married that your mate is your life. Move on because theres lots of guys standing in line waiting to fall in love with you.

by **tupac** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:20 am

You must be torn up about this since I know you've asked this a few times. In my opinion it doesn't sound like a healthy marriage, he really doesn't seem to make you number one, and I think it's time for you to say good-bye and find a partner that does. But that's easier said than done, and you do seem conflicted. So why don't you take one last kick at the can. Decide in your head you are going to do everything you can to make your marriage work - but with a drop dead date. Say, September 15th. If you are still feeling completely unhappy and he's still treating you like garbage, then decide now that is the day you are no longer putting up with it and moving out. That way you will know you have truly given it your all. Good luck.

by **honi** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:26 am

Sounds like this is not a good situation and this is never going to be a good situation. Make sure you do not get pregnant with this guy because that will really complicate things.

See the lawyer, move out, move on. I hope you are in a position where you have some means of support.

by **edin** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:28 am

So either stay and hate your life forever -or- leave and start fresh. Leaving is scary, but why throw your life away with this guy? And please, please, don't get pregnant with him.

by **coinleain** » Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:33 am

So either stay and hate your life forever -or- leave and start fresh. Leaving is scary, but why throw your life away with this guy? And please, please, don't get pregnant with him.

His family does come first. It's your fault if you can't understand you stupid bit*h.

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