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[lundie]

I feel horrific right now. Extremely confused. Recently going on for about 3 years I've done something so horrible, so perverse, that I now think I'm going to hell. And it's scaring me to the core. I did it because of my personality and now I'm so scared I've become one of the people I once feared. Now as I've looked through this website I've found it suitable for my question. There are a lot of trolls (heck this is so ridiculous ppl might accuse me of being one), but there are a lot of good people with honest answers.

To start, I'm a Christian. Or so I thought. I don't even know anymore, I've gone down such a path, I dont know if I deserve to be called that anymore. I feel as if the devil has been inside me.

What happened was that 3 years ago I was arrested for having beer as a person under the age of 21. Since I was 18, I got taken to the county jail. Now I was a minimum security, low priority inmate, so outside of the cells I was mixed with males and females before my bond hearing during my phone call, that's when I saw Hannah. She was there for drunk in public. I remember as I sat next to her in my orange jumpsuit I noticed her hair. My lord that's probably what got me. It was beautiful. Anyway, we all (me and 4 other male inmates + 3 female inmates including Hannah) had our bond hearing. I got released on a personal bond (No bail, just a promise I'd pay the citation) and Hannah did too.

As I was outside the county detention center waiting for my friends to pick me up, Hannah, was also outside, and we talked, she seemed cool and mellow and a nice girl, so I talked to her, and gave her my cell number.

A week later she called me, and we hung out. Then my nightmare/fantasy began.

Now, I've always been a good, Christian, God, fearing man who before this had never broken the law, but after I became friends with Hannah, I've gone down a very dark path.

Ok, when I turned 19, my parents kicked me out of my home, what was once my home, so I lived with Hannah, and she had an idea of how we could make a lot of money. Her brother, had tried doing something similar and somewhat succeded.

Her idea, was for me to get into shape, by going to the gym everyday, working out and getting a movie star's body (she paid for the gym) and go to a dermatologist (I had acne), and to practice sexually with her (I felt horrific about this, I used to only want to have sex once I got married)

The outcome of all of this was to seduce an older woman and eventually get her to marry me.

I know. It's horrific, but I agreed. I've always been lazy. Heck before this I got supported by Hannah when my parents kicked me out, and after high school I never went to college. So I saw this as a golden ticket to riches.

So our plan started. After I became a "hunk" I started going to places where lonely rich women went under Hannah's guidence. And I tried seducing them.

Well, I succeded. A woman named Kimberly took an interest in me, a big interest, I pretended to like her for herself and after a while our relationship got physical. She is NOT attractive, and part of the plan was for me to have sex with her. So Hannah gave me Cocaine and Speed to deal with it, and apart from that I also smoked a lot of weed and drank a lot before, you know.

An it has been like that for a while. And the endgame was for me to propose to her.

Now, she is a very wealthy woman, her net worth is give or take around 17 Million! Quite a bit!. and me and Hannah were supposed to split the settlement 40/40 and her brother got a 10% (his idea)

Well I did propose to her and she said yes, and since I've been quite a good actor, there is no prenup. and as soon as we get married, 2 years from now, the plan is for me to divorce her, get the best divorce attorney available (That Hannah's brother is paying for), and for me to get a big settlement and alimony.

I feel so guilty about this, Kimberly is actually a really nice woman, she lost her husband a few years ago and has found comfort in me. I'm pretty sure I'm not breaking the law here, but what I'm doing is horrific, and I feel like I'm going to hell.

The wedding is in 7 months. What should I do? I swear, every fiber in my body feels like telling the truth and calling the whole thing off! But the lazy part in me just sees the paycheck at the end of the tunnell and the time I'll have with Hannah.

What should I do?

[rolfe16]

Stop the marriage or else ur going to hell

[beacher]

First thing - if you have to ask & you're saying you "feel guilty" - you KNOW it's wrong, so why do it?
Second - if you don't have the brain to realize it's cold as **** to do to anyone - then just go ahead and lock yourself back up because you don't belong in society.

[tupac]

what you need to do is confess... put your self in her shoes... just getting over the loss of the love of your life trying to find comfort any way you can and she chose you... really just stop right now... you are going to hell

[choviohoya]

Please.. Please..Please dont do this.. You have embraced a wonderful religion and God has shown guidance and a path for you to lead a straight life. By feeling the guilt in ur heart already shown a signal that God is with you. You are a good man deep down. Please dont break her heart. You dont know how it feels how broken hearted her heart would be. She loves you and she confides in you and she trusted you. Tell her the truth. If you loves her so.much after the wedding I suggest both of you stay off to other country away from that girl. Shes bringing you harm. Remember 'What goes around comes around". Do not think about doing this. God will always be with you and gives you the happiness.. Have faith in him. Be strong buddy. Dont jeopardize your life again. I wish you all the best and May God bless and protect you in everythg that you do.

[dacy17]

If you truly think of yourself as 'horrific,' have an ounce of guilt or responsibility, and if you truly care about Kimberly, you would have called that thing off by now. Gotta listen to your conscience. In my opinion (according to what you wrote), you sound like you think of yourself as a victim caught in all of this. Just close your eyes and do the right thing now. If you don't, man, you're definitely going to hell. What's up with the Christian thing? Do you still want to be a good Christian? Hope it turns out okay in the end.