Are You Annoyed By People Who Interrogate You In Conversations?

[Abbot]

Is this a sex based difference in communications style?Years ago, I practiced consumer bankruptcy law. Part of the practice involved receiving telephone calls from bill collectors who needed to verify that the debtors had actually filed. Normally, they'd ask my office to verify that the person had filed, the case number, the federal court district and division and the date of filing. Most creditors were polite.One day I took a call from a bill collector--a lady with a bad attitude. After I gave her the information that she was entitled to receive, she asked me a bunch of unanswerable questions such as how long would the entire process take, why were things going so slowly, etc.After a while, I began to feel like a suspect on a TV cop show. So when she asked me her next fool question, I asked her if she was going to keep asking me questions. She responded with a question. I came back with another question. This bothered her so much, she hung up.

[caraidland]

Sounds like she was lonely Maybe she was just wanting someone to talk to! You sound like a really friendly nice guy, and maybe she picked up on that and just wanted to get to know you better. Sometimes if I want to disarm a person in customer relations, I'll do that. Start asking them what the weather is like where they are, or what time they had to get to work or when they get to go home, how busy have they been that day, did they find time to get to the gym, and so on. Try doing this with someone in India ~ boy, do they ever NOT want to play! I generally like playing games with people who ask silly questions when they call. One time an encyclopedia salesperson called me trying to sell me a children's set. I told her that I had my children all locked in the cellar, but if she'd hold on for a minute, I'd go open the door and ask them if they'd like encyclopedias. She didn't miss a beat. "Of course I'll hold!" I set the phone down and walked away... @Goldie 73 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[Thoraldtun]

It's all about the attitude(sorry this is kind of a book) There's a game that my friends and I have played where you have to answer every question asked with another question.  In that context, questions would not bother me.  We also sometimes have strange "getting to know you" conversations(not by design, they just happen) where all we do is ask each other questions and answer them.  Those usually start with one person asking a question and everyone answering and they just kind of evolve into these great, but strange conversations.  I love them.  Again, I don't feel besieged by these questions because I can elect not to answer and because I've helped to create the environment and structure for them.  At any point I could say, "Hey, let's watch a movie" or " this is lame, I'm going for ice cream."  I don't because it's an enjoyable conversation. I think it has a lot to do with the atmosphere and attitude that people bring into a conversation.  For example, in your example, if the woman were polite but uncertain as to what she could ask and was accordingly going over the line with her questions, I'm sure I'd be polite to her.  After she asked a few extra questions, I would probably say something like, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I'm only able to tell you BLAH." (Where "blah" is filled in with all the information I'm allowed to release - types not specifics like case number, verification, and date.)  Then I'd let her ask what she needed, apologize again that I couldn't give her more, and get off the phone.  I have a feeling that's at least similar to what you would have done as well. The entire situation was changed by the attitude she brought to the questions.  It's hard to keep in mind your own good manners when someone brings a nasty attitude to the table.  Too often, I think we(we as in just about everyone) tend to act on the level of the worst attitude present.  That's a shame.  Frustrating her into hanging up on you isn't the best behavior, but at the same time it was partly of her own doing.  I'm sure I would have been curt with someone that frustrating(but I also think I would have cut her off sooner from your story).  It would have been better to remain polite, but again - it can be hard when someone is bringing a bad attitude to the conversation. (Just imagine what it must have been like for the people she was trying to collect from! I sincerely doubt she was better behaved with them.) The structure around that conversation should have been a politely businesslike structure, but her attitude warped it. Like I said earlier, I think that there are appropriate structures for largely question based conversations(and your example should have been one - Hi, how are you, I'm fine, I need to get some information on Mr. Smith's case, can I have the date he filed, can I have whatever else, can I have this, thanks, have a nice day, bye), but I think that the attitude brought to that conversation is what really flavors is as an appropriate style of conversation or not.  A polite or friendly conversation can be all questions and you won't even realize it because you are enjoying the conversation.  A discussion wrought with bad attitude can have far fewer questions, but it still feels like an interrogation because the good attitude isn't there.  So having said all of that - I dislike being in conversations where the other members have brought a bad attitude to the table(or someone has and everyone else has fallen like a rock to meet their attitude) and it seems like the conversation is all interrogation and snippy comments.  That doesn't mean I can always avoid them or don't get pulled into them myself(I've participated in my fair share of sinking attitude), but I don't like them, they do annoy me, and more than that - they stress me out.  I don't think it is a sex-based difference by the time we're adults, but it certainly is in middle school.  In schooling days, boys are more likely to take a swing and get it out there, while girls attack through rumor and attitude.  I think that by the time we're adults, the catty attitude is kind of portrayed as the more appropriate method of being vicious towards each other.  Men and women are equally likely to be the barer of bad attitude.  Sources: just my thoughts on the subject EmpressPixie 74 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[abelard29]

Maybe she was just wanting someone to talk to! You sound like a really friendly nice guy, and maybe she picked up on that and just wanted to get to know you better. Sometimes if I want to disarm a person in customer relations, I'll do that. Start asking them what the weather is like where they are, or what time they had to get to work or when they get to go home, how busy have they been that day, did they find time to get to the gym, and so on. Try doing this with someone in India ~ boy, do they ever NOT want to play! I generally like playing games with people who ask silly questions when they call. One time an encyclopedia salesperson called me trying to sell me a children's set. I told her that I had my children all locked in the cellar, but if she'd hold on for a minute, I'd go open the door and ask them if they'd like encyclopedias. She didn't miss a beat. "Of course I'll hold!" I set the phone down and walked away...

[creedon15]

Money questions bring up emotions. If someone calls on the phone and is asking money questions I don't always answer or feel comfortable. If I feel that they have a reason to ask the questions then perhaps I can relax and answer otherwise I might hang up. Too many scams are going on now with theft identity and perhaps this could be a reason that people tend to shy away and hang up. loveambassador 74 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.

[gilibeirt]

Communication style is a personal thing, but but there are SIGNIFICANT sex-based trends in communication style! This question has been looked at in detail in many books and in documentaries and even movies.   If you want a serious look into this, I strongly recommend reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" as a good starting point.   Sadly, many people see all others who do not communicate using the same style as themselves as "stupid" or"foolish" or even just "hard to talk to".  Communication requires BOTH people to cooperate. Sources: Personal experience, some reading.   Carbon-Based's Recommendations Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Used from: $1.97 Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women Amazon List Price: $17.00 Used from: $2.95 Average Customer Rating: 3.5 out of 5(based on 38 reviews) He Said, She Said Amazon List Price: $9.98 Used from: $3.00 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5(based on 11 reviews) Carbon-Based 73 months ago Please sign in to give a compliment. Please verify your account to give a compliment. Please sign in to send a message. Please verify your account to send a message.