Brothers Ashes (i Am Runnung Out Of Time)

[Jazlaan]

My brother passed away 3 weeks ago and before he died I was sitting with him at the VA Hospital in Long Beach Ca, as hard as it was I had to ask him what his wishes were when it came to his remains, my brother told me that he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in the ocean off of Palos Verde's where our father is, I promised him his wish would be done. The problem I am having is that his adult daughter had legal right to his ashes and this I understood however the last thing I heard was that his daughter had given up her rights to his ashes to my brothers girlfriend of 5 years, who had also paid for the cremation(i didn't know this at the time#, our mother obviously didn't object. This was done without my knowledge or consent and I disagree with his daughters decision, further more I am hearing that his girlfriend is disregarding his wishes and there is talk about splitting is ashes to whomever in the family who might want a piece,  my question is do I as a sibling and from what I understand the next in kinship have the legal right to take possession of my brother ashes, if yes can you please tell me how I would go about taking possession of his ashes, what court documents must I file, btw I am in California. A side note my brother is in possession or was in possession of my half brothers Marc's ashes #died in a car accident a year ago)as well as my half brother mothers ashes(she dies 10 years ago. My brother requested along with his ashes that I spread my half brothers ashes and his moms ashes her name was Shirley and not liked by us at all really however my brother with his big heart told me "She doesn't deserve to be alone" he was a great guy, missed by all. So now I feel I am morally obligated for the remains of 3 people and I need help since my family has disowned me over my feelings and my attempts to honor my deceased brothers wishes.

Thank you

Chris

ANSWER: You don't have any rights in this instance, and because I doubt your brother put anything in writing, there isn't much you can do. You might speak up and ask for a portion of the ashes to scatter per his wishes along with the ashes of the others, if the girlfriend will let you have them. I can't believe he'd object to the sharing of the ashes with people who were close to him.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

Not the answer I wanted of course but I guess its time to let it go, just one more question, below is California Law and I read it as souse first then daughter has so many days to take care of deceased parent and then the responsibility falls on surviving parents of the deceased and then of course me the surviving sibling, I thought girlfriends have no rights to the deceased remains, I have provided Ca Law Sect 7100 below.

7100(a) The right to control the disposition of the remains of a

deceased person, the location and conditions of interment, and

arrangements for funeral goods and services to be provided, unless

other directions have been given by the decedent pursuant to Section

7100.1, vests in, and the duty of disposition and the liability for

the reasonable cost of disposition of the remains devolves upon, the

following in the order named:

1) An agent under a power of attorney for health care who has the

right and duty of disposition under Division 4.7(commencing with

Section 4600) of the Probate Code, except that the agent is liable

for the costs of disposition only in either of the following casess

(A) Where the agent makes a specific agreement to pay the costs of

disposition.(B) Where, in the absence of a specific agreement, the agent makes

decisions concerning disposition that incur costs, in which case the

agent is liable only for the reasonable costs incurred as a result

of the agent's decisions, to the extent that the decedent's estate or

other appropriate fund is insufficient.

(2) The competent surviving spouse.

(3) The sole surviving competent adult child of the decedent or,

if there is more than one competent adult child of the decedent, the

majority of the surviving competent adult children. However, less

than the majority of the surviving competent adult children shall be

vested with the rights and duties of this section if they have used

reasonable efforts to notify all other surviving competent adult

children of their instructions and are not aware of any opposition to

those instructions by the majority of all surviving competent adult

children.

(4) The surviving competent parent or parents of the decedent. If

one of the surviving competent parents is absent, the remaining

competent parent shall be vested with the rights and duties of this

section after reasonable efforts have been unsuccessful in locating

the absent surviving competent parent.

(5) The sole surviving competent adult sibling of the decedent or,

if there is more than one surviving competent adult sibling of the

decedent, the majority of the surviving competent adult siblings.

However, less than the majority of the surviving competent adult

siblings shall be vested with the rights and duties of this section

if they have used reasonable efforts to notify all other surviving

competent adult siblings of their instructions and are not aware of

any opposition to those instructions by the majority of all surviving

competent adult siblings.

[Chaschunka]

You are certainly on the ball. I feel quite certain that the adult daughter has the right to hand her rights to someone else, in this case the girlfriend who --you are right--has no rights of her own. If she lived with your brother for five years, wouldn't he want her to have that right?