Fiance's rude family problem, please help?

[denys]

I haven't met my fiance's family, some of them sent me a friend request on Facebook and I accepted them. I was always polite, however they began to behave rudely towards me. Just because we didn't travel over 500 miles to visit them when they told us to, yet they wouldn't dream of visiting us, (my fiance moved in with me after a long distance relationship). He was put into care when very young because his mum chose to get rid of him, because her husband beat him up a lot. So he was estranged from them for 25 years or so, until he found them about 5 years ago.

I've been labelled anti-social by one sister, because she assumes I must be because we didn't go to her birthday party. When my fiance put a post up just for me on my Facebook wall, she quickly replied to him and said she was his 'sexy ____' . I replied and she ignored me but replied instantly to my fiance. He was trying to get her to see the message was for me but she ignored that and kept being out of order. She didn't do the same to her sister in law or anybody else. That was the only time he told her off, but regretted it afterwards!

I've been ignored, endured digs made towards me when my fiance posted on his wall, so it is continuous. I tried to reason with them by being honest, that we couldn't visit them and they could visit us, but they tend to ignore that and it's a case of do as I say, not as I do. Meaning they don't want to visit us because of the cost etc.
Even when I used to visit him before he moved up here, his family pestered me to visit them too and didn't think that I just wanted time with him as we didn't see each other a lot, it took over 10 hours by train to get there and his family expected us to travel an extra 3 hours by car to spend all the weekend with them.

I have since deleted them off my Facebook page. I just didn't want to put up with it anymore. Since then they have began to get at me via my fiance's page. What hurts the most is that he won't defend me, even when he admits that they are being blatantly rude.

We have had arguments over it and he blows up at me instead. He is quick to put me and my son and daughter down, or answer back rudely, yet he can't even ask his family to stop their rudeness. He says he is ashamed and embarassed over their behaviour, yet is too afraid to defend me, who he claims to love and is more important to him. He told me he doesn't want to alienate them further, yet doesn't mind if our relationship suffers as a result.

I don't comment on his wall anymore as he ignored my last two comments on photos he put up of two concerts we went to. I guess he was afraid if he replied to me his family may start making digs at me again. I don't go on Facebook so much anymore now.

I just want to know if I am wrong to feel offended at the lack of respect, especially from my fiance who just can't bring himself to stick up for me. I mean they are his family and he should tell them to accept me like he has accepted who they date or are married to. It's not much to ask and would hardly alienate them.

He is ignoring me now after throwing another tantrum. I guess he will leave me again as that's his signature move. He hurts me so much when he does that and he knows it, he promises never to do it again and to talk calmly yet he barely tries. If he goes again then that will be it as I don't want to go through the same thing over and over again.

He can live near his family and let them choose his next partner, as that's the only way he will have a lasting relationship. Sorry it's long, i'm really upset.

[atworth49]

Your in the right he's in the wrong. If he does the signature move again just agree and make him think he's lost you - you dont know what you've got until its gone and maybe he'll buck up his ideas and realise that you are the most important thing and deserve the world

[arrigo]

Hire someone 50$ to kill them!

[adelphos]

Briefly,I can see no future in the relationship.You should come first,not his family.I would just say to him,It is either me or them,make up your mind.Do not listen to his soft soap.Tell him straight.My guess is you will soon be with another boy living a happy life.Let us hope so.

[jocheved]

The real question is why do you care so much about what his family says on fb? If you and your guy break up it will be due to your immature ways.yes you have a right to your feelings but how you actting is a turn off. Calm down .don't worry about what his family says on fb.do not push ur mate to defend you.you defend yourself. They really want to see him and spend time with him so when he is ready he will go visit them