How can I improve my essay?

[dodya]

I am a high school sophomore and I am taking ENG 101 at Phoenix College( I got into a program that allows me to take classes at college while in high school). I need to write an argumentative essay claiming my client, the narrator from The Tell-Tale Heart, is a mentally ill patient. This essay is thirty percent of my grade so it has to be my best piece of work. Any suggestions to make it better, be harsh and "mean" I need good feedback. Thanks in advance.

P.S. I had to use "Your Honor" and "my client."

The Tell-Tale Heart: Murderer or Mentally Ill Patient?

Your Honor, would you say my client is a cold blooded murderer? A person that confessed even though the police did not suspect of him. A person that claims he hears voices from heaven and hell. To begin with a cold blooded murderer would have done anything to his/her power to get away with a murder. And any normal healthy person does not hear noises and voices from heaven and hell. Your Honor, even though my client feels guilty, he is a mentally ill patient because he gets irritated by small objects and because he hears strange voices and noises.

My client does feel guilty for killing the old man, but that does not suggest he is a cold blooded murderer. Opponents of this idea claim that my client is a cold blooded murderer because he feels guilty; they say mentally ill patients do not feel guilt. However, after extended research, I acknowledged that symptoms that suggest a mentally ill disordered person include feeling guilty easily, excessive fear, worry, or anxiety, and strong feelings of anger. Through out my client’s statement one can interpret the anxiety and guilt of my client, “Oh God! What could I do? I foamed-I raved-I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards…” (Page 2). Therefore, according to the Web MD website, guilt is a mentally disorder symptom, not the actions of a cold blooded murderer.

My client is a mentally ill patient because he feels very guilty and because he is annoyed by very small objects. My client had a motivation for his actions; he claims he killed the old man because of his vulture like eye. According to the Healthy Place website, mentally ill people have the inclination to be irritated by small objects, just like the old man’s eye. Those who disagree might point out the fact that my client seems to make up his motivation as he states his experience, “I think it was his eye! yes, it was this!” (Page 1). However, mentally ill patients forget reasons for their actions, it is hard to remember, but not impossible.

My client is a mentally ill patient because he feels very guilty and because he is annoyed by very small objects, but most importantly because he hears strange noises and voices. My client claims he heard many strange voices, “I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell.” (Page 1). Not only that, but my client hears the heart of the dead body, it gets him really angry and annoyed to hear the heart. There are other sides to this debate, including the perspective that my client only heard the heart because of his guilt. But, my client started hearing voices before he even murdered the old man. According to the Healthy Place website, hallucination is the most common symptom of any mental disorder.

So you can see that although my client felt guilty, he is a mentally ill patient for two main reasons. First, he gets annoyed by the eye real easily. But most importantly, he hears voices and the heart. Your Honor, I’m not a psychiatric, I am an attorney, but all the evidence provided for mentally disorders were given by well known medical websites. Your Honor, my client is not a cold blooded murderer; he is a mentally ill patient.

[darce]

The Tell-Tale Heart: Murder or Mental Illness?

Your Honor, would you say my client is a cold-blooded murderer: a person that confessed even though the police did not suspect him; a person that claims he hears voices from heaven and hell? To begin with, a cold-blooded murderer would have done anything in his or her power to get away with murder. Also, normal healthy people do not hear noises and voices from heaven and hell. Your Honor, even though my client feels he is guilty, he is mentally ill because he gets irritated by the smallest things and because he hears strange voices and noises.

My client does feel guilty for killing the elderly man, but that does not by itself suggest he is a murderer. My colleagues from the prosecution claim that my client is a cold-blooded murderer because he feels guilty; they say mentally ill patients do not feel guilt. However, after extensive research, I have discovered that symptoms that suggest a mental illness include feelings of guilt, excessive fear, worry, or anxiety, and strong feelings of anger. Throughout my client’s statement one can sense the anxiety and guilt of my client: “Oh God! What could I do? I foamed -- I raved -- I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards…” (Page 2). Therefore, according to the website "Web MD", guilt is a symptom of a mental disorder, and not the sign of a cold-blooded murderer.

My client is mentally ill because he feels very guilty and because he is annoyed by the smallest things. My client had a motivation for his actions: he claims he killed the old man because of his "vulture-like" eye. According to the website "Healthy Place", mentally ill people have the inclination to be irritated by small things, just like the elderly man’s eye. Those who disagree might point out that my client seems to make up his motivations as he goes on with his story: “I think it was his eye! Yes, it was this!” (Page 1). However, mentally ill patients often forget the reasons for their actions; it is hard for them to remember, but not impossible.

My client is mentally ill because he feels very guilty and because he is annoyed by very small things, but most importantly because he hears strange noises and voices. My client claims he heard many strange voices: “I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell.” (Page 1). Not only that, but my client also hears the heartbeat of the dead body; it really angers and annoys him to hear that heartbeat. There are other sides to this debate, including the perspective that my client only heard the heart because of his guilt, but my client started hearing voices before he even murdered the elderly man. According to the website "Healthy Place", hallucinations are some of the most common symptoms of mental disorders.

So you can see that although my client felt guilty, he is mentally ill for two main reasons: first, he gets annoyed by the man's eye very easily; but most importantly, he hears voices and the heartbeat. Your Honor, I am not a psychiatrist, I am an attorney, but all the evidence provided regarding mental disorders was derived from well-known medical websites. Your Honor, my client is not a cold-blooded murderer; he is mentally ill.