How do you think my essay's going so far?

by **collyer** » Sat Dec 17, 2011 6:22 am

The real reason I started the volunteer work was because I was hoping these children could teach me something in return for my helping them with their homework. I’ve believed for a while now that children are really the only beacons of hope nowadays, seeing that most people are wrapped up in their own business, with no concern of the consequences their actions may have on others. I’ve come to believe that with age people seem to lose compassion for others, especially in this technologically-advancing and rapidly-changing world of ours. It seems that most of us are just trying to keep up, a lot of the times losing sight of the rudimentary and fundamental basis of existence: compassion. With children though, they haven’t yet been sucked into the fear of “keeping up”. Homework is slow, not that difficult, and even if it is, “Miss” will explain it in class. They’re still in their little cocoon, protected in a swirl of love. They don’t feel inadequate, because the prejudice hasn’t begun to clog their self-esteem.

by **marq** » Sat Dec 17, 2011 6:26 am

It comes across as very negative and cynical. If this experience has rekindled your own hope and compassion, your essay should be more upbeat and positive.

by **shen86** » Sat Dec 17, 2011 6:28 am

I think it's honest. Is there a reason you want to stress that you didn't do volunteer work in order to help other people, but in order to get something (something that the children could teach you) for yourself? It does sort of undermine your claim that compassion is a fundamental.

by **deangelo51** » Sat Dec 17, 2011 6:34 am

Too many cliches. It would help to know what your topic is about. What is your argument? Or what are you trying to point out/prove?

Advertisments:

Sponsor Links: