How do I get my mother in law to stop manipulating my husband?

[victorio83]

My mother in law likes to have these "pity parties" so that my husband will feel sorry for her. She likes to blame her deceased husband for all of her financial problems. When the truth of the matter is she didn't work, racked up credit cards, and then filed bankruptcy. Well my husband loaned her money ($8000) so that she could get a vehicle (this woman still doesn't work and just lives off of widow's social security pay). The money was loaned out without my consent and is considered a joint marital asset. She of course hasn't paid it back (she still owes $5000). She goes behind my back and gives my husband all of these excuses as to why she can't make a payment. Meanwhile she continues to spend money on frivolous things such as magazine subscriptions, tanning, teeth bleaching, and going to the movies. She also over spends on Christmas gifts for the grandkids who are old enough to understand how money works. It's bad enough that money was loaned out, but I walked in on her trying to get my husband to spend $400 on tires for her car that she drives. But yet she was able to save money to go take a vacation. My husband and I are not well off and needed that money back a long time ago, but he never says anything to her. He fights with me about the money rather than holding her accountable for what she's borrowed and promised to pay back. I have come to learn that my husband owes a lot of money on credit cards. He has also taken out a home equity line of credit that he owes more than $25,000 on. I have have spoken to his mother about all of this and she continues to manipulate him for things. It makes sick to see this going on because she has been told numerous times by me that we are in a financial disaster. It's not like she was this wonderful mother either. She subjected my husband to verbal and physical abuse that was done by the father. She never attended any of his highschool football games. I don't know where this person gets off thinking that it is our financial responsibility to take care of her. She made those choices and I'm working for my future in the hopes that maybe I'll get to retire someday. She wouldn't get her butt out of bed everyday at 5am and work 40 hours a week to pay for someone else's stuff and I'm tired of doing it for her. She needs to get a job and pay for her own things and stop manipulating my husband.

[croslea]

She won't stop, your husband has to be the one to recognize it and stop buying into it.
Sadly though he probably never will stop.
Your only hope is counseling- ask him gently to join you, get him in there as it is your only hope.

[plys]

You don't have a mother-in-law problem, you have a husband problem. No husband should loan your joint money to any one without your consent. I'm not sure how your husband would get a home equity line without your signature (unless the house belongs to him alone). If he forged your signature, you have an enormous problem. I'd agree, counseling is in order.