How do I move on from a controlling and abusive relationship?

[francisco]

Ok, So I dated this guy for two years, and before that he was my best friend for three years. I thought he was this really incredible guy who was one of the good guys you hear about but can never find. little did I know that as soon as we hit the year mark his mother turned crazy on us, and even seemed bent on breaking us up. He moved back home after loosing his job which made this problem a little worse (I am still studying and live in a University dorm). First she started manipulating him into never seeing my family, and soon he lied to me because he didn't want me to get mad at his mother, but none the less continued to keep on doing what his mother said. then she started insulting both me and my mother, constantly and too my face, i told her that i did not appreciate what she was doing and she apologized, only to start saying all that stuff behind my back and to my boy friend. This went on until one evening she lost it and confronted her son and basically told him that "he is not a big, strong man but if he thinks he is, then he should move out the house and in with me." she later admitted that she hated that herself and I were not as close as we once were. She once used to introduce me as her future-daughter-in-law. I apologized and gave her my word that I would do my best to try and become closer to her, but she continued to send me rude text's and BBM's. Once i went over and greeted and hugged everyone, but all she did was look at me and said "I've had enough of today i am going to bed" I tried not to take it personally but the truth is i did. She had pasted things all over Facebook aimed directly at me. Still i was polite, i even helped them clean the house. The sad part is that when she frustrated my ex he would take it out on me and would say the most hurtful things.Then after 8months of constantly being told that i was not good enough, or that i needed to loose weight or i was not trying to get to know them better, i told my boyfriend what had happened and why it hurt me, he said we would make a plan then we went shopping for his brothers birthday present, when she texted me such an awful text that i started crying in the shop, i told my boyfriend i was going to the bathroom and ran there, he did not even ask me if i was ok. After that we sat down with his mom and asked fro a compromise, she said no because none of it was her fault, that i was spoilt and did not want to confide in her and therefore i did not trust her, then said that my ex lied to me and tried to make us fight (even though this was a contradiction to her previous statements). eventually i accepted all the blame and said sorry, I asked my ex why he did not stand up for me by simply saying "Mom yes she should come talk to you more but maybe you should not have insulted her like, so you are both wrong and both need to work this out." He went all quiet and said "i'm sorry i did not realize". in the end she broke me to the point were i was clinging to the relationship, to try save it because she had said to him "it's her or me" while i went "you can have both". i was an emotional wreck who was put on both anti-depressants and then my family intervened and decided that enough was enough and asked the mother not to bully me and to allow mine and my ex's relationship to go where it should go and to not interfere. This infuriated her, she called me a f**ing B**ch who should rot in hell because i do not love her son, and i am vindictive and thoughtless and malicious and selfish (those all being the exact opposite of what i try to be and what i strive to be in life. i think of myself as a nice person i try to be kind to everyone). needles to say he choose his mom, but what really hurts is that his previous relationship went exactly the same way as did all of his relationships with his friends (they even disowned a cousin and kicked him out the house). he admitted that he saw the pattern and that he wished he could have fought for his previous relationship but when i asked why he could not fight for ours he said "I love you more than you know, but because your family interfered my family now wants nothing to do with you, so we can no longer work.plus your catholic and i'm now an athiest" I spoke to the cousin they disowned and found out he could have possibly cheated on me, and that is a hard truth to face, but now i am wondering if he really loved me. I love him so much my heart is broken but he admitted me while he was drunk that he cried when we broke up and that he wished we'd get back together. I know that i am just becoming myself again, and that i should move on but it's really hard. I miss him? They broke me to the point where i felt like he was doing me a favor by dating me, he even said "i wont find someone who loves me like he does". How do i move on in this kind of situation? I don't think i want him back bu

[jabarl]

It;s going to be hard at first. I promise you. Because for years I blamed myself but I found the strength and finally left. Be courageous and think that you are valuable. Right now I am trying to make sure I dont repeat the pattern.

[anson34]

You have been double teamed sweetie. It happens more often than you think. Thank you for provide such detail in your question as it paints this picture plainly. The first question is: "Is he worth it?". If the answer is yes you have to come to terms with the fact that even if you got him away from his mother for good she is still in him. Her strong personnaly and manipulative ways have conditioned him to operate the way he does. Getting him to take your concerns seriously and not as an attack on anyones character may require the assistance of a couples councilor. Men like this usually marry a woman who is just like there mother but more fierce. Can you manipulate him if needed? What i am saying is are you willing to dawn your emotional armor and engage in battle for his heart and loyalty or do you feel like you barely made it out alive and cant risk it?