I dont want kids , my husband does ?

by **reid** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:38 pm

Im using my sister's account.

Anyways. Im 30 years old and im a corporate attorney. I make good money, own a house and own a couple of properties. When i met him i told him i never wanted to. have kids. I hate kids. I see no point in having any. I don't like being around them at all. To me, kids basically ruin your life. So when i told him he said i would change my mind. I knew i would never want kids since the age of 8. My job is like my child. I love my job it makes me good money. I've always been a selfish person. I think about myself before anyone else. If i had a kid i wouldn't be able to do that. So now my husband really wants a baby. I really don't. I love him but im not going to change my mind. Im scared of child birth. I can't imagine pushing out a baby through you know where. And i do not want a scar from a c-section. I like my body how it is now because im not saggy. I don't want it to change at the moment. So how do i get my husband to forget about wanting a baby? What would you do?

And sorry about any spelling errors. Im sleepy and am not using a computer right now. It's hard to type on iPad.

by **vemados** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:48 pm

It was foolish of him to think he could change your mind...it's honestly very good that you were honest with him from the beginning, and if children are so important for him to have in his life he shouldn't have hoped to change your ways but rather move on to a new relationship that would have afforded him that opportunity. I'm not trying to say your marriage is a mistake, I'm sure you both love each other very much, but if he wanted kids he should have married someone else who shares his life plan.
It's fine to be selfish in the way that you are. You are a strong, successful woman and it's good that you are aware of the fact you wouldn't be able to provide a nuturing relationship for any children. You are aware of the fact that work would always be a priority and because of that you would not be a good mother. That's responsible. I also think it's a huge sign that you shouldn't have children if your body being ruined would be devastating to you...I figure people who want children are willing to sacrifice their bodies for having a child, and if that doesn't appeal to you, then don't.
My mother never wanted kids and was kind of bullied into it by my father and her in-laws. She knew that she wouldn't be a good mother and it turned out she wasn't. She was abusive because she had no patience for us, neglectful because she wanted to do her own thing and couldn't be bothered to do kid-centric things and most of all resentful because her body never snapped back after my brother and I.
Don't do it, I have a lot of issues now because my mother was never meant to be one.

by **tate8** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:52 pm

It was foolish of him to think he could change your mind...it's honestly very good that you were honest with him from the beginning, and if children are so important for him to have in his life he shouldn't have hoped to change your ways but rather move on to a new relationship that would have afforded him that opportunity. I'm not trying to say your marriage is a mistake, I'm sure you both love each other very much, but if he wanted kids he should have married someone else who shares his life plan.
It's fine to be selfish in the way that you are. You are a strong, successful woman and it's good that you are aware of the fact you wouldn't be able to provide a nuturing relationship for any children. You are aware of the fact that work would always be a priority and because of that you would not be a good mother. That's responsible. I also think it's a huge sign that you shouldn't have children if your body being ruined would be devastating to you...I figure people who want children are willing to sacrifice their bodies for having a child, and if that doesn't appeal to you, then don't.
My mother never wanted kids and was kind of bullied into it by my father and her in-laws. She knew that she wouldn't be a good mother and it turned out she wasn't. She was abusive because she had no patience for us, neglectful because she wanted to do her own thing and couldn't be bothered to do kid-centric things and most of all resentful because her body never snapped back after my brother and I.
Don't do it, I have a lot of issues now because my mother was never meant to be one.

well he knew what he was getting into but i think you didnt make your point about not wanting babies clear enough at the time and you kind of knew he must want them by the way he said you'd change your mind so theres a bit of blame on both sides.
why dont you compromise and adopt, then make a deal that he raises the kid while you earn the bread.

by **burt** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:55 pm

Its very simple really you shouldn't have married him .
He said you,ll change your mind but you knew you wouldn't. So why marry someone that wants kids.

That's your right not to want children,as you would probably be a horrible mother any way.
GIVE HIM A BREAK AND
DIVORCE HOM NOW.

by **ashly** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:09 pm

In ten years you will want something young to look at and it won't be you.

by **herald** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:11 pm

that's good that your generation is not gonna continue..

by **plys** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:19 pm

that's good that your generation is not gonna continue..

If your husband loves you he should understand your choice. Maybe getting a pet he can care about helps.

by **beacher** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:28 pm

ok tell him you dont want kids because youd rather be selfish....

by **adalwine** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:31 pm

idk bout ur answer but get an ipad keyboard really helps :)

by **arrigo** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:39 pm

Well, I know you probably love your husband...but if you and him can't get on even ground about a kid (especially then you probably need to either get a divorce or try to fix things...I am a person who is open to things and wants kids someday so i can't say that they ruin your life because of the fact that you will never ever experience the type of love you immediately get from the second you have your child. It is a natural feeling that you get and it is very nice knowing that you will be able to give the next generation your looks and talents, I mean it is a AWESOME thing. I really think you should try because from the sounds of it, you have good money (better than i make) and I still have 3 kids of my own. And let me tell you, I don't know what I would ever do with out them. I hope you are able to fix things.

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