I hate my dad's long-term girlfriend, how can I get rid of her?

[barnett]

My dad has been with this woman for about 13 years (since I was 4). This woman used to live in a horrible flat behind a prison in one of the worst/roughest areas of the city. My dad started living with her until she got herself pregnant, by which point my dad moved her into one of the posher houses he owns (he is a property investor).

She has taken away all my childhood momentos and given them to her children. e.g. She told me and my sisters to bring around all our disney videos (bearing in mind I was a kid then and still enjoyed them) she kept them for her son and she kept changing the subject whenever I asked for them back. I also fixed my nintendo 64 and as soon as I told my dad the good news he asked me to bring it over and then I never got it back again. They have all this stuff that is actually precious to me and my sisters despite the fact they literally have thousands of toys of their own among them. In fact, I know my stepmom wanted a girl among her flock (ha, she didn't get one!) and she actually STOLE all the dresses I used to wear as a little girl and she kept them for herself in case she got pregnant with a female baby. I didn't even know she had them, I just remember my mom asking where several of my dresses had gone, I didn't think anything of it until I found them in my stepmom's room when she found out she was pregnant again (not knowing whether it was a boy or girl yet).

She then popped out another child and moved my dad hundreds of miles away from me to a house in the countryside. She stopped working and completely relied on my dad.

My dad told me he didn't have enough money (he does) to send me to a private secondary school like he did for my older sisters (they were old enough to already be in secondary school by the time her child came into the picture). I then found out that my stepmom had sent her two sons to private schools (who were born after me and live in the middle of nowhere anyway?!). My mom called my dad to ask about this but he denied it (even though my stepmom told me herself).

My stepmom didn't know that my dad gives a small amount of money to my mom to help out with us (as she is a single mother with 3 children), but when she found out she completely flipped out and stopped talking to my dad. My dad still helps out with money but now he barely gives any because of my stepmom. My stepmom wouldn't even allow my dad to buy a suitcase for me when I was going away, and she went completely mad at him when I let it slip that my dad had bought it for me.

This stepmom also stopped allowing my eldest sister to visit my dad for about 2 years because she thought my sister was 'ungrateful' because apparently my stepmom thinks she is like the mother we never had. To explain this, she is always bad-mouthing my mother, constantly saying she is irresponsible and completely exaggerates our "difficult" situation to my half-brothers.

She is constantly rubbing it in my face that she has a better lifestyle than me, my sisters and my mom- even though its thanks to my dad divorcing her that my stepmom has anything at all!

Her and her eldest son (my half-brother) even started mocking me for not knowing the name of a particular fossil he had in his room. She tries to make her sons better than us and has definitely made sure that anything we got as kids her kids get twice as much.

I absolutely hate her guts. She is living off the money MY DAD earns, thinks she has a right to control if he gives us money for necessities or send me to a good school and she thinks she can act like a snob towards me! I hate her. I want to see them split up and see her trying to raise children on her own with no financial support from my dad. See how she likes it! She is constantly trying to make me feel bad about the situation by pushing further if I don't give her the obvious response she wants. I'm scared to say anything to her directly because then I fear I won't get to see my dad for who knows how long. How can I break them up? She is a complete leech.

FYI, they aren't technically married. He didn't propose.

[bedyw25]

Talk to your dad about your feelings or grow up and move on.

[elkanah1]

You need to talk to your father about this. If you have and he's done nothing, then you need to arrange to see him one on one when you catch up. I wouldn't go to their house and I wouldn't see her. You need to explain very carefully to him why you've made that choice. You need to explain that she has made your life miserable and you won't see her - and that unless he sees you on his own, he won't see you either.

This woman is very jealous and I'd say, completely resents that he had a family before she came alone. But - and you won't like this - this isn't all her fault. Your father has every right to insist she return things that belong to you, or that he couldn't move away from where you were, or that your half brothers are more respectful. If he doesn't do those things, he's at fault too.

I'm very sorry this has happened and I do sympathise. What you should do is be grateful for the relationship you have with your mother and your full siblings, and lean on them for support and love. Your father made a choice and who knows - perhaps he's not happy but unable to do anything about that. But, you need to stay away from her to keep your sanity.

[warton26]

Exploit these facts to your non immediate family
Grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts. Anyone who cares on your dads side. Try to get help from the external family

[kirklin]

If you want to put a dent in their relationship you can always have an iphone, ipod touch or similar and have it on record and every nasty thing she says let your father have a listen in private while she is out for the day. She sounds like a mean spirited person that doesn't deserve to have children. But the ones that she has will only learn from her example, which isn't a good example at all.

If the above does no good I would cut them both off from my life and forget about them since they have caused stress, depression, anger and sadness in your life already.

I had a similar thing that happened to me and also to my brothers and sisters but what stands out the most before my father married his girlfriend, she tried to push me down the stairs in hopes that I would loose my unborn baby. At the time I was married 12 years and my oldest child was 3 years old and I was 5 months pregnant. This woman didn't want any grandchildren in existence and she wasn't even married to my father yet, and hated the fact that she loved my father so much, but hated the fact that he was going to be a grandfather again. And throughout the years that have gone by my father now has a total of about 15 grandchildren which my stepmother now resents. The only grandchild she has anything to do with is the oldest one, all others my father never sees.

So what does this have to do with you? You and I both know what a cruel family can turn into and my youngest was almost killed because of her, so I would do what I can now to get through school get the highest grades that you can possibly get and go to university and work as hard as possible, so you can say to everyone that you made it happen, you worked to get to where you are now and you did it all your way, without the help of your father. You will be looked upon very highly because of the hard work you put into your life.

Good Luck and I'm Sure You Will Make It Through These Rough Times.

[jorel]

Sadly, it's your spineless father who is the problem here but understand why it's easier to blame the shallow, insecure woman he CHOOSES to be with.

[stein74]

At what point do kids grow up and move on in their lives ? Ask yourself if your father would shake your hand for interfering this way, if the answer is no then button it.