I have a wife who is both mentally and medically unfit? What to do?

[chen12]

Please read the full story as some new developments have taken place:-
She says she loves me and married me because she liked me and not due to any pressure. She says she has no problem with my parents living together with us as in her own family everyone (her parents, brothers and their wives) all live together. But she has double-standards when it comes to my family.
I married this mentally disturbed woman 20 months back through an arranged marriage. I am from a big city of India. She adopted a hostile attitude towards my mother for no reason and did not mix with the family since day one .My wife is 34 now.
She is selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), she has several strong traits of borderline personality disorder - childish/childlike behavior, deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with... the works. she is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).
She is angry most of the times for trivial or no reason and stops eating food for some time. She works in a Private Co. and does not bother to tell me where and how she is spending her salary. I and my Father bear all the expenses of the house.My old mother has to do most of the household work and my wife shamelessly keeps sitting in her room and keeps watching TV and does very little work. My wife does not even bother to speak to my parents or show any respect to them.She does not have dinner with the family on dining table and has it in the bedroom, I of course hv to sit with her. She gets angry even if I have a conversation with my mom in front of her.
She works at a place close to her parents home and she goes to meet them everyday. They also in a way support her for her such behaviour.I am sure she gives a large part of her salary to her parents.

I have been quite calm, loving and caring towards her inspite of her constant rude behaviour towards me and my mom. I have given her a comfortable life with all the modern amenities at home. She is out of home for almost 12 hrs daily and does not bother to tell me even her office address. I have given her expensive jewellery on her birthday and wedding anniversary. Still she barks what hv I done for her.
She had high fever a few months back. Me and my mom took so much care of her. I personally administered her medicines for 3 days, still she says I dont care for her and she continues her hostile tirade against my kind mom.
A few months back I sat in the living room with my parents to watch TV. First she locked the bedroom door and when she finally opened it after lot of knocking she shouted so loudly on me and my mother making all false accusations on us. However I calmed her down some how.
She keeps creating some sort of tension one after the other.

Now lets come to the present, after much persuasion from my side I took her to an infertility clinic as she has not been able to conceive even after 20 months of marriage. After conducting her blood tests it is suspected that she most probably has Tuberculosis of Uterus as she does not hv any visible TB symptoms.
Now the Doctor has suggested Hydro-Laproscopy to check the position of her fallopian tubes, which is quite costly procedure costing about Rs 36,000. I hv already spent Rs 6000 on her tests. Further the infertility treatment may cost Rs 100,000 in total.

Now I wanna ask u guys should I get such an ungrateful woman treated and spend so much money on her when she is not coughing up any money though she is earning herself. She herself is in tension, but I am in a bigger tension.
Now this wife of mine is both mentally and medically unfit and my life badly messed up as I cannot divorce her as divorce laws in India badly favour women and husband has to pay a heavy alimony in many cases.

[mohammed47]

Please read the full story as some new developments have taken place:-
She says she loves me and married me because she liked me and not due to any pressure. She says she has no problem with my parents living together with us as in her own family everyone (her parents, brothers and their wives) all live together. But she has double-standards when it comes to my family.
I married this mentally disturbed woman 20 months back through an arranged marriage. I am from a big city of India. She adopted a hostile attitude towards my mother for no reason and did not mix with the family since day one .My wife is 34 now.
She is selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), she has several strong traits of borderline personality disorder - childish/childlike behavior, deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with... the works. she is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).
She is angry most of the times for trivial or no reason and stops eating food for some time. She works in a Private Co. and does not bother to tell me where and how she is spending her salary. I and my Father bear all the expenses of the house.My old mother has to do most of the household work and my wife shamelessly keeps sitting in her room and keeps watching TV and does very little work. My wife does not even bother to speak to my parents or show any respect to them.She does not have dinner with the family on dining table and has it in the bedroom, I of course hv to sit with her. She gets angry even if I have a conversation with my mom in front of her.
She works at a place close to her parents home and she goes to meet them everyday. They also in a way support her for her such behaviour.I am sure she gives a large part of her salary to her parents.

I have been quite calm, loving and caring towards her inspite of her constant rude behaviour towards me and my mom. I have given her a comfortable life with all the modern amenities at home. She is out of home for almost 12 hrs daily and does not bother to tell me even her office address. I have given her expensive jewellery on her birthday and wedding anniversary. Still she barks what hv I done for her.
She had high fever a few months back. Me and my mom took so much care of her. I personally administered her medicines for 3 days, still she says I dont care for her and she continues her hostile tirade against my kind mom.
A few months back I sat in the living room with my parents to watch TV. First she locked the bedroom door and when she finally opened it after lot of knocking she shouted so loudly on me and my mother making all false accusations on us. However I calmed her down some how.
She keeps creating some sort of tension one after the other.

Now lets come to the present, after much persuasion from my side I took her to an infertility clinic as she has not been able to conceive even after 20 months of marriage. After conducting her blood tests it is suspected that she most probably has Tuberculosis of Uterus as she does not hv any visible TB symptoms.
Now the Doctor has suggested Hydro-Laproscopy to check the position of her fallopian tubes, which is quite costly procedure costing about Rs 36,000. I hv already spent Rs 6000 on her tests. Further the infertility treatment may cost Rs 100,000 in total.

Now I wanna ask u guys should I get such an ungrateful woman treated and spend so much money on her when she is not coughing up any money though she is earning herself. She herself is in tension, but I am in a bigger tension.
Now this wife of mine is both mentally and medically unfit and my life badly messed up as I cannot divorce her as divorce laws in India badly favour women and husband has to pay a heavy alimony in many cases.

your happiness is important to u.... divorce her and stay happy

[marlan43]

maybe she really loves you and is bipolar. that may be the underlying medical problem

[ern]

What about couple and even family counseling. i suggest that you talk to you family first. get out how you feel regarding the situation to them and listen to how they feel about it. I'm sure you and your family will come to the same spot of understanding with this issue.
Then you could ALL approach her and inform her that counseling is needed. when you go to counseling, you and your family can express how you feel and whats been going on to the Councillor and from there you all can try to make your wife understand that this isn't normal behavior.
She could also be suffering from depression. Depression has the effect of moodyness, anger and lazyness.

[eddis]

I know in other cultures its normal for extended families to live together. You wife sounds unhappy with herself and she also sounds spoiled as hell! Instead of being supportive of her, try something different. Treat her the way she really says you treat her. Dont do anything for her. Dont let your mother cook for her. Make her buy her own food. Take away her jewelry. Stop paying the cable bill. Let her have a tantrum. Sometimes us women have to experience bad before we can appreciate whats good. Are you in India? Dont divorce her. Just make her life a living hell. You are babying her and as long as you keep babying her, she will continue this behavior and have somebody follow her around so that you know her whereabouts i mean shes your wife. You should know where she works! You have a right to know I mean she could be prostituting or something! Screw being a nice guy. Have a conversation with your mother if you want! Wtfunk man! Seriously, what can she do but get mad and if she cant eat at the table dont feed her! She cant starve forever and if she does starve then shes only hurting herself and as selfish as she sounds she wont let herself starve! And dont let this woman have any babies man shes nuts too to be bringing kids into the world.

[tai38]

Sorry for the unfortunate things happening in your life. You should discuss this matter with her parents about her attitude and treatment.

Regarding her job, you don't know anything about that office. Sorry to hear but as a husband you should know her work place.

Even you should know what she is doing with her money because you both are couples, should share everything.