I just found out that I have a 8 year old daughter, Her mother is dying. Who will get custody?

by **larry** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:01 pm

I had no idea I had a child but was informed by an old friend that I do.
My ex is dying and I am concerned about my daughters custody after her mothers death. I am going to be involved in my daughters life but live 1400 miles away, I want to be a father to the daughter I have always wanted but am afraid that I will not get custody after her mom dies.
My daughter lives in Nebraska and I live in Ohio, I will be getting a paternity test but I know in my heart she is my child.
What are the laws about non custodial parents getting custody of a child? What can I do to help my chances of getting my daughter?
My ex girlfriend's family and I do not get along as I am gay and going to hell ect.
I have a job, a husband of six years, stable home, no drugs, and I am a pastor also.
Any help is appreciated!

by **piaras91** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:02 pm

You absolutely need the assistance of an attorney to help you through this legal process.

First, should be your concerns about what is best for your child at this point, not necessarily yourself. Expecting a court to give you custody now and up rooting a child you have had no prior relationship with is not even plausible.

Another factor may be, your ex and her family may have already established a legal guardianship/custody agreement in the case of her death. I'm sure they have established something along those lines.

All of these issues and more, need to be argued in court. The fact that you have never even met your daughter is your biggest obstacle. The best and most logical solution for all concerned would be to confirm your paternity and pursue possible visitation rights. As you begin to get to know your daughter, then you can look toward possible joint custody, etc, etc.

Keep in mind, your child is already traumatized by the impending death of her mother, as I'm sure is the rest of her family, so tread lightly. This really isn't about you, it's about this child and what she can handle emotionally at this point .

by **gervaso81** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:11 pm

Ill apologize first because I'm actually wanting to ask you a Q relating to your situation. I, myself actually posted a similar Q but I was the one finding out that my Boyfriend I am dating has a son. I'm very stressed and is tempted to leave him as I am still young.
I just really want to know how your husband reacted to it?

by **chen12** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:15 pm

Well I don't know what type of pastor you are if you are gay and married.
However that is not even critical to know.

I think you can fight it in court. That is what you have to do to get custody.

by **motega** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:22 pm

http://family-law.lawyers.com/child-custody/Your-Rights-As-A-Noncustodial-Parent.html

Hope it helps.. GOod LUCK

by **dana** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:23 pm

Forget any involvement. You are obviously totally irresponsible. Just go on with your life and hope for the best.

by **wattekinson86** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:30 pm

First, I want to commend you for wanting to step and be a parent. I think you have every right to be a part of that childs life and it seems that you have only her best interest at heart since you say you do not want to uproot her from the family she knows.
Her family may fight you but you are basically just asking for visitation rights at this point, right? Not full physical custody. That may come later. What exactly is going to be their argument? That you are gay? Hardly an argument at all.
Consult a family attorney and do what you can to be a part of her life.
Good luck.

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