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[westbroc90]

I have been with my partner for 10 years and since day one his mother has not liked me. I have tried many times over the years to find out what i have done, but i get nothing.

I still make an effort with his family but over the years i find they are all starting to treat me like an outsider, which makes it hard for me to go and play happy families. I thought once our first daughter was born things mite change and they would see im here to stay, but nothing has changed even after the birth of our second daughter. My partner is starting to feel left out of his family now, being excluded from events.

i wrote to his mother explaining how we feel about her excluding us, missing out on our kids lives, and asking once and for all why she doesn't seem to like me and this is the reply i got :

I didn't contact everyone regarding the party, _____was here and he told ____ about the party. ___ told him you had plans.
You both are not excluded at any family get togethers or functions, however ___ and myself expect no malice or unkindness in our home at anytime, and that includes all family members.
Contact is also a two way street, I do not constantly contact any of my children(unless it is for a reason)and don't think they feel they are excluded,

How can i fix things or find out what the problem is if she just picks and chooses what she would like to respond to. And how am i meant to take her comments ??

[golding]

Some mothers think that you have taken there little boy from them. I had to deal with that myself. Also some of these mothers will never get over it. You need to talk to your partner and come to some agreement some how. If you don't it can and will ruin your relationship. I know because that is why my marriage ended.

[max]

There is a special place in hell for fowl mother-in-laws. Mothers have special responsibilities to welcome the significant others of their children. She is right, it is a two way street. She is the elder and has responsibility to show the better example. It looks like you have done every thing you can reasonably do. Do not beat yourself up. Two things I suggest. First, what does your partner thing about this? See if you can agree on what to do, whether it be cut off contact or ignore the situation. The other point is where is your father-in-law on all this? You may want to contact him and enlist his support.

[tai38]

I think you just have to not let it bother you. Maybe it's because you guys aren't married. In any case, your boyfriend should be the one to stand up to his mom, not you. He needs to show her that you are his life partner forever. If she is excluding him and making him feel bad for being with you then he has to chose to feel for you and side with you rather than being hurt because she is acting childish. I think your boyfriend ought to have a sit down with his mom to find out what's going on. He needs to make her understand that she is hurting you and he and it needs to stop because she is important to you guys and important to her grandchildren.

[hardin]

You may not have the views I have on this, but he is definitely better off without his family. Your BF and your family need love and support, and they cannot provide any of it.