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Please tell me what you think of my book idea and how I could make it any better?

  
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Please tell me what you think of my book idea and how I could make it any better?

Postby abisha » Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:01 pm

The main character is a fat 14 year old boy, named Hudson Asher, with sage green eyes. He has curly auburn hair and soft, lightly tanned skin. He walks with a limp. He is a very inappropriate boy, he is very lazy, untrustworthy against family and friends, mainly interested in himself, is very confused, and is very influenced by others.
When his family moves from the coastal town of Ocean City, of which his family always lived. He would always miss the beach vacations and summer days of watery fun. His parents gave him a wolf’s tooth for him to get excited about where they would soon live. When they moved there he fell in love with the area and his tooth becomes his prize possession. Through the rest of elementary and middle school he got straight A’s. The laws of the town were to stay away from impurities. No one ever realized he would get into this. His parents thought sending him to a better school in the next town over would help him achieve even more. He has always been the model student, that’s why when he got into the bad crowd the town leaders tried to turn the other cheek.
Within one month of attending his new high school in the neighboring city, he begins to hang out with a bad crowd. He starts losing his good grades and he takes up drugs. His family find out and become very concerned in his health. They send him to a rehab camp. In two months more he comes home drug free. But he has joined an out of town gang. In the four days he has been back his gang has stabbed two innocent bystanders and robbed a local bakery. In an argument with the gang he gets shot on his leg, causing a limp. The boy soon realizes this isn‘t the right kind of life, but it‘s too late. He has already made a horrible impression of himself to the town. The town decides to have a meeting about the troubles they have had with him. Where he not only gets banned from the town and is to be sent out alone wearing only the clothes that he was wearing but also hunted down like an animal for money. Before the meeting, his whole family was brutally murdered, but when everyone finds he wasn’t there and was actually enjoying quiet night at the lake, they ban him from the town. He decides he will go to his old town. Once he makes it out of the state he meets a girl who was allegedly running away from her home too. She actually is working with the man who killed his family and is after him. During the long travel to where the man is, she gets to know the boy and sees his soft side and starts having doubts about what she was going to do. She plans to turn him into the man but she falls in love with him. The night she tries to warn him that the murderer is coming for him, she tries to convince him, he finally agrees, but insists on them resting. He doesn’t think he can trust her now. He ditches her during her rest and heads in the direction he was. When he makes it with in a short distance of the beach, he sits down to rest. He hears a gun shot nearby, startled he trips getting up. With his limp he doesn’t get far but keeps going, now realizing the girl was telling the truth. He starts to tear up, but starts to run, turning to see if the person was close, he trips over the edge of a cliff onto huge rocks. He survives the painful fall, breaking his right arm, wrist, and his nose. He starts to see much blood. Realizing that there was a sharp pain in his chest. His wolf’s tooth necklace penetrated his heart and dark red blood spewed onto the boulders. Slowly and painfully he lay there dreaming about his family and the only person that tried to help him, the girl. His vision blurs as dots fill his eyes. When he passes out he sees his family, as he is now dead, at the desolate beach of his family’s old ocean vacation spot.

What do you think, What is the character lacking, and How can the story line be better?
abisha
 
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Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:30 pm
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