What if you think you may have caused an accident but left the scene?

[wilbart]

So this happened about a year ago, but from time to time I feel bad about it and am wondering what my moral obligation is here...
I was turning right at an intersection with a stoplight. I had my 3 kids in the vehicle, including my baby who was only six weeks old. After I had already made the turn and was on the new road, I heard a sound to my rear, looked in my side mirror, and saw someone falling over on a moped. I quickly pulled over to help, and by the time I got to the lady, several other people were already talking to her. She was a bit older, maybe late 50's- she had a bloody elbow, but seemed okay beyond that. I don't think she was going very fast when she fell. I heard someone ask what happened and she said something like "she pulled right into my lane." They said, "where is she?" and she said, "I don't know, I think she's gone." I stayed for a bit longer, but I was in a bad part of town and had my car running with my kids inside and since I hadn't really seen what happened, I didn't think I would be much help to the police so I walked back to my car to leave. The police and ambulance came as I was leaving and I went home. As I replayed the incident in my mind, though, I started to ask myself, "you didn't go into her lane, did you?" I couldn't be positive. I started replaying possible scenarios and pretty soon started thinking I could have entered her lane and caused her to fall. I know I didn't hit her or anything, and I can't be sure how far behind me she was when she fell, but it was pretty close. By the end of the day, I was sweating bullets thinking I could have caused it and LEFT. I looked online at what happens to you if you leave the scene of an accident with personal injury and it looks BAD. I didn't mean to, I didn't think I was involved at all, but now I really think it could have been me. I never talked to the police about it because even if she said I entered her lane, I don't remember doing it and I can't be sure that it's my fault. So basically I just felt terrible about it for weeks/months and kinda got over it, telling myself that at least she wasn't really hurt, and since I wasn't sure, how could I "confess" to anything? But here I am a year later and still feeling bad about it. I am a person of high integrity and always try to do the right thing, so this just makes me feel awful. What would you do? Is it too late to make it right? It has been a year. Any thoughts?

[westbroc90]

Hi, we share the same problem.

Last month, I was turning left out of my neighborhood. I sat in the median and waited for the cars to pass. When I was sure the lane was clear I began to pull out into the lane. Out of nowhere, back in the distance to my right, I hear "schreeeech," as moments later a pick up truck pulling a large boat comes skidding by into the dirt and grass in the middle of the road, eventually coming to a stop without flipping over and with no visible damage to the truck. I continue to pull up into the median to help. I get out of the car and the guy comes running over to me saying the same thing, "the guy who did it pulled right on in front of me."

I ask if everyone is okay and he tells me that everyone is okay. I say "thank God" and make sure that the police have been called and are on their way. Immediately after, listening to my intuition and instincts, I hear a voice in my head and it clearly says "it's time to go home." So I get in the car, turn the key, and go home. It felt completely right to go home, so I did.

Did I really pull out in front of him? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm pretty sure that I didn't make it out into the lane. Did I cause the accident? I don't know. It felt like it. Yet, he was going entirely too fast to be pulling a boat. The truth is that it was an accident.

I am a person of high integrity too. I pride myself on saying and doing the right thing in life.
Yet, bad experiences, bad feelings, and bad things are unavoidable. All we have to truly go on in life is our feeling in the moment.

I feel horrible about it all the time. I've always been very sensitive to stuff like this. One time, as a young kid, I accidentally broke my friends arm with a rock. I came home and cried and cried and cried and cried. I felt just as badly because I wished it had never happened. But there's no reason to feel bad. It was an accident. Society teaches us that there are consequences, punishments, etc. and we learn to punish ourselves for things that are out of our control.

We're both being too hard on ourselves. We're both good people. Just try to forgive yourself, and I will do the same.

so, "what would I do?" I'd encourage you to breathe, to relax, and tell you that everything going to be okay. Then I'd give you a hug just so you know that other really good people go through this stuff too.

With love, hope, and understanding,
Tom Chase