What should I do about my dad's reckless driving?

[maddox]

I'm 17 and I'm not allowed to drive yet(not enough money). My mom usually gives me rides, but when the whole family my dad drives. When my dad drives he never wears his seat belt, speeds, texts, talks on his phone, swerves a little for fun, and sometimes it really seems like he is not paying attention. Just yesterday we were driving over a bridge that my sister and I are terrified of. He was texting and I said it was dangerous and also illegal. He said he was breaking the law by speeding anyway he might as well text. We tried to give him examples of accidents from texting and driving, but he wouldn't listen because the story was about teens, and he is "an experienced driver". Also over the bridge he was laughing and stopping his foot on the ground with both hands off the wheel. My sister was in almost in tears cause she was so scared. Also sometimes he will swerve a little on the bridge just because he knows it scares us, and my other younger sister encourages him. He is also a truck driver and is costing our family money with speeding tickets he has gotten a few times. His driving bugs me so much. I think I might just stay home or walk to a friends next holiday, but then my parents might not let me. I don't like to be forced to ride in a car when he is driving, and I don't know what I should do.

[mads]

chill out

[dacy17]

Tell your mom

[denzell]

Rip into your dad. Get real angry. Because obviously talking normal to him doesn't get through. Ask him how much money in total he has wasted because of his ignorant driving and complete arrogance to change his driving habits. Tell him to stop the damn car and get out and walk away, and tell him you never want to get in a car with him behind the wheel again. Some people you have to be real with.

[gideon]

He WILL listen to you if you really mean business. Talk to him when he is not driving lol. If he won't listen to you, talk to your mom. You have to remember that god is watching, one day, he is going to get hauled off to jail in front of you guys. Stay strong, my dad's an alcoholic and drives with me and my brother all the time. I'm 11 and he's 13. You're luck you're almost an adult:P

<3

[garwyli91]

I'm not surprised you're worried about his driving! Avoid driving with him if you can... he's being irresponsible, a car is basically a deadly weapon and anyone who gets behind the wheel has a responsibility to drive as safely as they can (it's even worse if he's a professional driver, he should know better). You could try getting pics of traffic accidents from the net and showing him why you don't want to drive with him any more. Don't make a big deal about it or have an argument, just tell him you're not driving with him any more - the more serious you are the more he will be likely to realise that you're not going to budge from your view.

[egan]

Refuse to get in the car
Talk to him when he is not driving about this
refuse to talk to him during journeys
Better still, refuse to talk to him from the moment you leave the house to when you enter it again
Talk to your younger sister and others to tell them not to talk to him.
Sounds like he's doing it because of the reaction
If he carries on...
Erkk... tell the police. I know he is your dad, but some things cannot be accepted. he is putting the life of his family at risk - no matter how experienced he thinks he is, he could actually realistically kill some one. Maybe your family, maybe a child or a stranger. This is a serious offence. Fact.

And to me, he sounds very very very inconsiderate of others emotion. very insensitive, no matter how much 'fun' he thinks this is.

Put your foot down and stay there. NO BUDGING. <3<3

[jomei69]

You are at an age where you still find it hard to go against your parents choices, but you are also mature enough to know when they are wrong. You have to put your own survival before your instincts and stand up for yourself. I totally agree with your plan to stop riding in any vehicle driven by your father. He has no right to drive recklessly under any circumstances, but even less when his family is in the car with him.

What would you do if a boy you just met took you on a date, and drove the same way your father does? I hope you would make him stop the car, and you would get out and take the bus or a taxi home, and never get in a car with him ever again. I also think that it's a question you should pose to your father. What would HE expect you to do?

Your father may be a professional driver, but he is a poor example of one. If your father was about to go under the knife (have an operation) and the surgeon had a reputation for being careless in the operating room, acting like a clown, and making balloon animals out of peoples intestines, would your father want that surgeon operating on him? No, being a professional isn't a licence to act like a fool.

As your fathers child you are hardly in a position to tell him what to do. But at 17 you are about to become a young adult, and you ARE in a position to make decisions concerning your safety and well being. In other words, you have a right and an obligation to yourself to refuse to get into any vehicle driven by him. I think you should also point out to your father that if he wants access to any grandchildren that you may produce sometime in the future, that he had better grow up and start showing his daughter(s) what a responsible man he can be. Knowing that supporting your father's foolish behaviour may cost her access to her grandchildren may cause your mom to think twice about that.

But put your safety above all else, and ask your sister to stand with you on this.

[dana]

Very well written question. That helps me give a better answer.

You can't change your dad. But you can make it clear that you are not going to get into a vehicle with him, even if it means missing some family activities. You can make a point to arrange other transportation whenever possible. You can make excuses to avoid shared outings that you feel you can afford to miss. You can enlist your mother to prevent this "stand" you take from being a no-holds-barred, "to the death" contest of wills between you and your Dad.

While I believe in the power of communication, there are some people who cannot be reached with anything we say. They often can't be changed at all. But when they can, it is through actions. Actions speak louder than words. And if you simply quietly avoid ever being driven by him, he may decide -- despite thinking in his heart of hearts that you are still dead wrong -- that he will tone it down just to get you to be part of his life again.

And try showing your mom this video (it chokes me up every time I see it):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-8PBx7isoM
(In case the link gets messed up, search "Embrace Life - always wear your seat belt" in YouTube.)

As for adults texting, my daughters' kindergarten teacher was maimed for life both physically and neurologically by a professional your dad's age; he ran her over while she was walking her dog one winter night after dark. He turned himself in the next day, saying he didn't realize that what he had hit was a person until the next day. While I'm not close enough to the case to know for sure, my impression was that it was texting related and not drunk driving (his alibi of not drinking seemed to stand up). His life was ruined, her life too, and her husbands' and their kids, and our school lost that grade's best teacher.

P.S. Your dad seems the type to resist a frontal assault for all he is worth. So the advice of some here, to "tear your dad a new one" might work, but I'm guessing it will at best serve to define the battle lines. The alternative of saying as nonconfrontationally as possible that you are done being driven at such great risk, and then refusing to argue it, but also refusing to be driven, may give you the best odds of motivating a change. And if not, then at least you are taking yourself out of the risk, while setting an example for your mom and like-minded sister to follow when they are ready to.