Is it me or do my parents sound mentally unstable?

by **fyfe** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:06 am

I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm a high school senior with a part time paid internship at a law firm. I work pretty much constantly because my parents won't pay for anything. I had to work for my own car, pay for my own insurance ect. My parents charge me 100 bucks a month for "rent" and they constantly take money from me. Their car broke so they always drive my car around and never pay for gas.

My dad is a heavy drinker and always gets drunk and screams and yells.My mother has Multiple sclerosis and and is really angry all the time. She doesn't work and my dad stays at home all day, they rarely ever leave the house. My parents always tell me I should have more of a social life but if I hang out with friends they will literally call hundreds of times before the night is over. If I tell them where I am they'll drive and circle wherever I am and creep everyone out.

I was really busy this weekend retaking my SAT's and working. Today I had to work until 6 to finish something an attorney gave me to do. My mom has flipped out and spent 20 minutes yelling at me as to why I'm so horrible to stay at work until 5 rather than until 6. Then my dad got on the phone and yelled saying I was a "defiant problem child" because of this and the fact that my room is dirty. Then they told me I should quit my job which took me 3 interviews to get and the only way from em to pay for my college application fees that they can't apply for and they ignored me and said they couldn't wait to get home so they can scream at me some more and take my car keys away.

I feel like crying but if they see my tears they're just going to call me weak. Is my family highly dysfunctional or do most teenagers deal with this? I feel like I can't catch a break!

by **reuben29** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:09 am

I heartily feel for you my dear, you are really undergoing a very challenging situation. I will like to say, I admire your strength and the way you've dealt with this so far. There are so many faces to your parents attitude toward you. One face is that of care and concern and the other is frustration.
Their asking of your whereabouts and imposing a curfew(you mentioned they were calling hundreds of time before the night was over) is a sign of concern over your safety though may appear to be extreme. They are not unconcerned. Their putting the domestic bill on you must be very challenging for you and (while not judging them) leaves much to be desired. (Though there are certain pertinent information you left out in your comments: who cares for feeding? and other domestic bills...? Is the rent for a month 100bucks or more? if it's more who augments it?).
We don't get to choose our parents but we can learn to deal with domestic difficulties. You should know that no home is free from problem, the problems only vary from one home to another. You've been coping fine and the stage you are in is very critical, so I advise you thread carefully. They will always be your parents, and please don't think of running away from home because of the domestic trouble. I believe your life is not in danger.
Can you think of a pattern of your Dad's behaviour? I guess his screaming and yelling starts when he's drunk. So could you look for a time that he is in a sound frame of mind to talk to him about how your quitting the job would affect your contribution to rent, and domestic bills(if any), and by extension your school fees.
There is this book that helped me while a teenager 'Young people ask, answers that work' published by Jehovah's Witnesses. Irregardless of your religious background, the books(volume 1 and 2) contain practical guides for youths, especially those in your situation. The books are not for sale. You can request for it from any Jehovah's witness, I'm sure they should be in your area.
I hope this help. If you have further querry, please do not hesitate to contact me via the e-mail address [email protected]
Pls take care and resist the urge to be rude to your parents.

by **hewlett** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:11 am

I can sense that you are on the verge of being OVER taken care of and LESS taken care of by your parents. They just can't balance how they should treat you.

by **jerard** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:14 am

It isn't your fault. You aren't the problem. None of my friends that I know have to deal with this. You should keep living and enjoy your life.

by **adaya** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:24 am

your a great daughter...if my parents doesn't give a sh*t about me like that and deny my help I would simply leave them temporally until they call me...

by **tai38** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:36 am

Its you

by **torin7** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:42 am

No, not all parents are like that. In fact they shouldn't be parents treating you like that. They're headed to hell in a hand basket. Don't let that distract you from doing what's right. You seem to be heading in a responsible direction. Who ever heard of charging their kids for rent! They owe you free room and board for having you. You should charge them that much for using your car. It would be even. This set up freaks me out. Be patient and move out the first chance you get when of age. I was raised in a dysfunctional home also. I moved out when I was eighteen. You might want to clean out your room, so they won't have that, at least, against you. If you stay there, they will expect you to support them. Don't fall for it. Sorry for your situation. You deserve better.

by **anson34** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:49 am

Here in the UK most 17 year olds pay for their own car and insurance so that's not too bad, but as for the rest...

You're clearly very level headed and hardworking. Most 17 year olds have scruffy rooms so that hardly makes you a problem child. The problem is with them. They don't have lives outside the house so focus all their attention on you. You're living under a microscope.
Your dad's drinking is a huge problem --the atmosphere when he's drunk must be tense and unbearable. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells all the time. Can you go and live with a relative --your gran maybe?

by **stanciyf** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:57 am

I am truly sorry for your situation. I am 32 years old and I have multiple sclerosis. I have a 13 yo son and a 10 yo daughter. I do get a little "feisty" sometimes and apparently angry for no reason. Yes, MS can do this, but only to a point. Medicine and the disease can make one irritable but not to this degree. Your parents sound like they are VERY miserable people and they take their anger and aggression out on you b/c you are "weaker" than them and they feel like you can't fight back. I am appalled at their behavior! Just hang in there sweetie, you only have a little while to go. Graduate high school and hit the door running. Let them see what a precious gem you are and what they are missing out on. If there is ever any abuse, get out immediately and get help. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing: working/interning, going to school, helping the family, etc...

Now as for the car and insurance: it's only to make you appreciate what it is that you have. I can really understand that. I would just ignore all the other stuff like a gnat buzzing in my ear, and just wait it out until you graduate. It sounds like you will make it just fine!

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