Feel so depressed about something not so big?

[cumhea]

All my life I've been doing stupid stuff getting into trouble with the law and now in my family and relatives I'm known as a trouble maker and that guy no one wants to let their kid hang out with because I am bad influence. I have a cousin who spent two years in jail and just came out like a week ago he was in for trafficking kilos of drugs in a different country .. He had a bad background his dad was an abusive drunk and never earned money and his mom needed help so he thought they needed money so he started to do this but he is changed now and me .. I've been good for a month now but I would sell drugs to make money, weapons fights and stuff but now I think why did I do all that I never needed money that bad or anything I had it all and its just eating me now that why couldn't my life just be a bit harder ... I feeel like complete **** and can't get this fuken thought out my head

[montrel68]

All my life I've been doing stupid stuff getting into trouble with the law and now in my family and relatives I'm known as a trouble maker and that guy no one wants to let their kid hang out with because I am bad influence. I have a cousin who spent two years in jail and just came out like a week ago he was in for trafficking kilos of drugs in a different country .. He had a bad background his dad was an abusive drunk and never earned money and his mom needed help so he thought they needed money so he started to do this but he is changed now and me .. I've been good for a month now but I would sell drugs to make money, weapons fights and stuff but now I think why did I do all that I never needed money that bad or anything I had it all and its just eating me now that why couldn't my life just be a bit harder ... I feeel like complete **** and can't get this fuken thought out my head

God forgives you so you should forgive yourself everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves forgiveness from others and torwards yourself just make sure you know the things you did in the past are behind you and don't fall under the temptation to do those things again